Morning Reflection: Why am I stuck?
Why am I stuck?
As a new year begins, most people resolve to change something. For me this year, I have set no resolutions. Rather, I seek to go deeper, and understand why I have not done things before.
I seek to understand the areas of my life in which I have not yet manifested the outcomes that I want. There are many of these areas, and I must move into each of them as I try to understand what holds me back.
Mostly it is fear. Fear that I will be laughed at, fear of failing, fear of a loss of sense of purpose, or fear of pain. But these fears are not created in a vacuum. There have been experiences that have created these fears. Experiences that were probably misunderstood, but accepted as truth, and that generated patterns of behavior that I still follow today, even though they are patterned on a falsehood.
I wish to understand why I have chosen to live a life that is not in congruency with my dreams, because these actions have been my choices. If I accept they are choices, I accept that I can chose differently, and create different outcomes. If I accept that they are MY choices, then I also accept the responsibility to change them, and also accept the belief that I can.
There is no place more valuable than the graveyard. In the graveyard we find all the hopes, dreams, ideas and purpose that was never realized during that person’s time on earth.
My wish is that I do not take my dreams into the graveyard. My hope is that I can find a way through my fears, and become the person who I think I was born to be.
It is time to accept, to live and to manifest a different level of purpose.
It is time to act, to move, to believe and to begin.
It is now. I am here. I am beginning.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
You are enough.
Morning Reflection: What do you do when too much is never enough?
What do you do when too much is never enough?
Have you ever known someone who acquired so much of something, and was never happy? I was one of those people, but my acquisition was food. No matter how much I ate, it never seemed to be enough.
I realize now that I used food as my drug of choice, to try to dull the pain I was feeling. The pain of self defeating beliefs, of loneliness, of frustration. The pain of being a flawed human being.
But no matter how much I ate, it was never enough.
In life, we sometimes seek to acquire something that we think will make us whole, complete, adequate or enough. Usually though, what we are chasing is external, and can never make us truly happy. Often, we think that acquiring enough of something will make up for a huge lack we feel in one of our essential needs, and believe that we will be happy then.
True happiness comes not from knowing that you are enough, but from knowing that you don’t have to be.
True peace comes from letting go of the comparisons that beset us, and instead listening to the truth from inside of us. That is difficult because it requires us to make peace with ourselves, but how will we ever have peace with the world if we have it not in our own heart.
Listening to our own truth requires humility, dedication, courage and above all, quietness.
Just know that you don’t have to be enough. You are, and that is enough.
Just be.
Here.
Now.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
How does your soul sound?
Morning Reflection: When the world around you is quiet, what do you hear?
When the world around you is quiet, what do you hear?
The more silent the world outside becomes, the more I can listen to the noise from inside. That noise varies from day to day, but as I try to find balance and stillness in my life, I find that I become more aware of the cacophony inside.
The noise from within my soul is the sound of my fears, my dreams, regrets and desires. Also, sometimes that sound is measured with compassion, concern and courage.
I have discovered recently that expectation is often the greatest cause of discordance within my soul. Expectation, whether from a sense of entitlement or expectation after an effort has been expended, creates for me more soul-noise than anything.
Expectation, I have found, is the enemy of gratitude.
Self expectation, expectation of others, expectation of deity. All of these coalesce into a roaring maelstrom that defeats my desire to find peace, which I think may be cloaked in gratitude and compassion.
Expectation is essentially self focused. So as I seek to understand myself, I seek to find out why I have these expectations, and if they are reasonable or something else. I try to understand which of my needs these expectations satisfy. Often, I find that the expectation meets several of my needs, which is why I am so addicted to these expectations.
I suspect that the more I move away from expectation, the greater peace I will find, and the greater compassion I will discover.
So in my attempt to find stillness in my soul, I have to learn to let go of expectation.
And that is not easy.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Morning Reflection: Could you turn it down please…
Could you turn it down please…
Prior to the advent of headphones, I heard this a lot as a child. Then as headphones became more popular, the sound got quieter, but the noise got louder.
I live in a world today with a lot of noise. Some comes from my soul, some comes from the drama of other people, and some from what a teacher of mine refers to as ‘human problems’, by which I think he means that inescapable fact of being a person, alive in this universe.
But recently I have noticed that I use the noise of others to drown out the noise of my own soul. That comes from my wants, my needs, my beliefs and my fears.
Over the last 10 years I have allowed other people to become my distraction. What looked like dedicated service, or great kindness, was often a way for me to avoid the sound of my own soul.
Too many of us now live in a world of distraction, noise, entertainment and the ever present soundtrack of headphones, devices and clicks.
When do we take time to be silent, and allow the whispering of our soul to become pre-eminent in our lives. How often do we sit in silence and solitude, allowing the universe to unfold before us.
No, we use the noise to avoid the silence that introspection requires.
And that noise stops us from living out our lives authentically, honestly and vibrantly.
Life requires balance, and noise is oscillation.
To find peace, seek silence.
And listen.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Morning Reflection: What are you listening to?
What are you listening to?
I heard something yesterday that forever changed my perspective, and hopefully will change me going forward.
My wife was opening a present that I had given her. Inside was a gift certificate I had purchased for her to do something that she wanted to do.
Her reaction, in a moment of honest joy, was a simple two word phrase….
“You listened”.
As she hit me with that beautiful smile that I fall deeper in love with every day, those two words resonated in a powerful way deep in my soul. For her, the gift of what she wanted to do was really secondary to the gift I had given by paying attention, and by knowing her, noticing her, valuing her and learning who she is. By listening to her, I was really saying that I loved her, and that her happiness was important to me.
Too many times in my life I listen to the sound of my own soul, my wants, my needs, my opinions, my judgments.
How often do I listen to the sound of someone else’s soul? Their wants, their needs, their opinions, even if they are diametrically opposed to my own.
For me, I don’t listen like I should.
So I need to be better, be quieter, pay more attention.
And listen.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Choose your direction now.
Morning Reflection: Where are you going?
Where are you going?
Where you are is nowhere near as important as where you are going. Where you have been cannot determine your future.
Past experiences are just that – past. The direction you choose today, this hour, this minute, will determine your destination and destiny.
Sometimes it may seem that we do not have choices, that we are constrained by life and our responsibilities, but often we ignore that we have choices, and are refusing to make them.
When we take responsibility for our choices, even the ones that we feel we don’t have, then the world opens up for us at a new level, as we take ownership of our lives.
You have been given time as your birthright, intelligence as your heritage, freedom as your endowment and courage as your compainion. What you choose to do with these is your own responsibility.
Yes, life often throws us curveballs, and yes, there is injustice, unfairness and inequality, but life in all of its varieties and complexities is yours for the taking.
You just have to decide where you want to go.
And begin.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Here and Now
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Morning Reflection: When are you?
When are you?
That question feels wrong doesn’t it?
We are very adept at thinking about where we are, but rarely do we think about ‘when’ we are. Are you now, or then (past) or to be (future).
Our focus determines our reality, and the only focus that can truly bring peace is NOW. We can learn from the past, and we can anticipate the future, but our emotional state is securely focused on the now.
Try feeling overwhelming joy from something that happened a long time ago… doesn’t work does it. Now try feeling joy and peace for something you expect to happen in the distant future… doesn’t work does it.
Our emotional time range is fixed truly in the now, but our focus on other things can destroy our peace in the moment.
If for this moment, you are warm, safe, fed and secure, then you can find joy in this moment.
Yes, tomorrow might bring heartache, and yes, yesterday might have been tough, but if you can let go of those moments, then you can find peace in this moment.
Today’s focus is simple…
I am
I am here
I am now
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
A Single Point of Light
Morning Reflection: A single point of light
A single point of light.
Have you ever wondered why we use light and dark to signify good and bad, happy or sad?
Partly because we like the simplicity, because we don’t have to think about the details. Again, we are binary creatures, and we like things that fall into a simple analogy.
But I think we also use light and dark because it accurately describes how we process our sense of sight.
In the presence of light, we can see all around us. In the presence of darkness, we see very little.
While this is true in the physical world, this is also true in the emotional/spiritual world.
There are people in your world who light your way, who help you see your very best self and realize who you can become. There are also people who darken your way, bring you down from the best you can be, and make you question who you are, and what you are worth.
Each of us has the choice to be a point of light for someone, or a mist of darkness for someone.
It’s your choice. Regardless of your circumstances.
Today, I choose to be a point of light.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
You have value
Morning Reflection: The metrics of self worth
The metrics of self worth.
How do you judge your self worth?
By what standards do you see yourself, and what measurements do you find value in?
You have value, because you exist. Who is to say that one person is of more value than another.
Each person, each life, has the capacity to help, serve, learn and become.
Self worth is vital to your confidence, your courage, your commitment and communications.
If you judge yourself to be of less worth than others, then you invite pain and unhappiness into your life.
There is no nobility in demeaning yourself, there is only denial of the great potential that you have.
Just know that you have value. You have worth. Even if you don’t see it right now.
I have never met anyone who wasn’t important, and I’ve never met someone who had no value.
You are important. You have value.
If you doubt that, ask me, and I will tell you why.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Morning Reflection: Balance is the most underrated skill
Balance is the most underrated skill.
The more I come to know myself, the more I realize I tend to be a binary creature. Black or white, light or dark, love or hate. I find that my brain tries to react, and control all information and experiences, assigning them a simple binary value.
I (and we) do this because as our world becomes more complex, there are so many details to manage, and it’s easier for our brain to manage simple details, rather than complex equations. So, in order to try to make sense of our world, and our place in it, we simplify the details.
It constantly requires observation and modulation from my higher self (frontal lobe) to restrict, control and modify the binary nature of my lower self (limbic system/primitive brain), because reducing things to a binary structure often leads to an over-reaction to a complex small event, which in turn can intensify smaller oscillations (events) into larger problems (oscillations).
Frequently, I find that when I am afraid of something, I tend to see that something in the binary values I assign to experiences, and I react according to that perception, when it may not be there, or it is there on the periphery of potentials, but I see it as an absolute because of my fears.
To quiet my fears, and find balance, requires courage, acceptance and stillness.
So I meditate to find stillness, use courage to face my fears, and acceptance to allow the fear to wash over me, and remain after it has gone.
I try to balance.
And it’s very, very hard.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Morning Reflection: When you are born, you’re really flexible. When you are dead, you’re really not.
When you are born, you’re really flexible. When you are dead, you’re really not.
Flexibility denotes movement, so therefore movement is a component of life. The 7 signs of life are respiration, irritability, nutrition, growth, movement, excretion and reproduction (Thank you Mrs Thomas, I still remember).
So an area of your life in which you are stuck indicates a lack of movement, and therefore the presence of death.
What are the areas of your life in which you feel stuck, and therefore dead?
Chances are, these areas are the same today as they were yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that.
Movement in life is essential, especially if an area of your life is out of balance and causing you pain.
What are the areas of your life that are stuck in unbalance, and how can I help you find movement…?
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings
Reflections
Morning Reflection: “You cannot read the label on your own jar”
“You cannot read the label on your own jar”.
Meaning: you can’t see your own problems as clearly as you see everyone else’s.
I have reached a point in my life where I truly believe that the only true enemy that exists to my happiness and success is looking right back at me in the mirror each morning.
If I am to take ownership of my life, then I have to own my problems. However, most of the time, we can’t see our problems. The bible talks about seeing the ‘mote’ or speck in someone else’s eye but not seeing the ‘beam’ or speck in your own eye.
I think that’s partly because you can see their inconsistencies, whereas facing your own usually means confronting powerful and painful emotions that you don’t want to experience.
What do you see when you look at yourself? What do others see when they look at you?
I wish I could see myself the way you see me, because all I see is my own distorted view.
I wish you could see yourself like I do. Chances are, I think you are amazing.
-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings