Morning Reflection: An elusive sense of peace

An elusive sense of peace.

In my youth, I craved excitement, adventure, the new, the fast, the different. As I have grown, my desires have changed, as I search for calmness, a wider perspective, a more balanced alignment of my soul.

Yet peace is elusive, and I think I am beginning to understand why. It may be that my requirements for peace are driven by my ego, and not by a sense of reality.

Growing up in a somewhat dysfunctional home, I developed a sense that in order to find peace, I had to have control over everything. Chaos was an ever frequent visitor, and as a child, chaos robbed me of one of my needs, a need for certainty.

In my quest for control, I learned several skills, or behaviors, that sustained me as a child, but as an adult have caused pain for myself and those around me.

I learned to withdraw from uncertainty, which creates strain in my relationships as I fail to open up, be honest and share my true feelings.

I learned to manipulate people; to change their actions towards me in an effort to protect myself. This is something I desperately try to avoid as an adult, yet I find myself doing this as a reflex and I wonder if people really like me, or the manipulations that they see effected in my day to day behaviors. This creates a profound sense of uncertainty.

I learned that in order to achieve peace, I had to avoid risk, which has resulted in massive pain for myself and my family as I wasted almost a decade of my life working in a situation which did not benefit us.

I learned to live with the pain of not living my purpose, trading a potential but uncertain future for a certain but painful now.

As an adult, I continue to struggle with these child-formed beliefs of control, which are fantasies not realities. This behavior continually deprives me of a possible sense of peace, one that is rooted in faith rather than fear, courage rather control, and possibility rather than perfectionism.

Peace, I have found, is far more elusive than I had imagined.

And it is a difficult journey.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The difficult dichotomy of Jekyll and Hyde

The difficult dichotomy of Jekyll and Hyde.

All of us have the capacity for good, and a capacity to act in ways that are more painful and destructive. The truth of our lives is how we navigate the two, the balance that we create.

Why are we sometimes able to be such good, caring, kind and considerate people, only then to act later in a way that is destructive to ourselves and those around us, even those whom we profess to love?

In working with people, I have come to the conclusion that the part of us that acts in ways that are destructive arises out of an imbalance of our needs, and an inability to see into ourselves. As I have written before, the truths of ourselves are often shrouded in pain, which is hard to confront and even harder to control.

And sometimes, they are buried so deep that we are unaware of them, yet they create such a pull on us that we are drawn into emotions and behaviors that are not in alignment with our highest aspirations. 

All of us, however far along our journey of enlightenment, need the assistance of others to help us see the truths of ourselves that escape our awareness. While reflection and meditation can help us to learn deep truths about who we are, oftentimes the kind observations of a caring friend can allow us to open new paths of understanding into our deepest soul.

In my own journey, I seek to balance the wounds of my soul with the peace and happiness I find in helping others. The more I serve, the less my soul cries out for its own needs, and I find a peaceful balance that brings me joy, and sets my feet on a pathway of peace.

Balance is the key. I just wish it were easier.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Failure is not an option, it is a requirement

Failure is not an option, it is a requirement.

Often as I talk with people about their goals, dreams and aspirations, the concept of failure is the quiet unspoken monster lurking behind their words. What happens if I try and it doesn’t work out? What would people say about me, how will I feel? 

The fear of failure has killed more dreams and stifled more aspirations than actual failure ever has. In my life, I have allowed fear of failure to enslave me and prevent me from trying and achieving.

But it’s rarely the actuality of failure that we are afraid of. That’s simply something “not working out”. What we fear is what that failure would ‘mean about us’, and how it would affect our sense of significance and worth.

Where did this harmful and destructive belief come from? Anyone who has ever become great at anything has failed many times over. Why don’t we celebrate the effort, the intent, the willingness to risk and the acceptance of the possibility of things not working out?

Because we are afraid of judgment, both others and our own.

Because somewhere in our societal evolution, we accepted the lie that not achieving some arbitrary standard said something about who we are as a person.

Because we ourselves have adopted the falsehood that our worth is measured by what we achieve.

How would your life be different if you built failure into your plans? I am trying to do this now. As I evolve through my journey, I am beginning to plan for failure, which is just simply things ‘not working out’. 

If I plan for things to not work out, then I can accept that risk easier, knowing that it doesn’t say anything about me, but is simply a reflection of the reality that things can go wrong, and sometimes do.

Changing ‘failure’ to ‘not working out’ is a small shift of language, but a powerful release of energy into the channel of your dreams and aspirations.

How has this fear held you back, and what can you change with this small understanding?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: When you can’t explain the pain that you feel

When you can’t explain the pain that you feel.

Sometimes, there are no words to adequately express the things we feel. How do you describe the agony of losing your first love, of your first significant public embarrassment, or of shame when you realize that you have let yourself down?

How do you describe the overwhelming feeling of happiness when you truly, madly and deeply love another person beyond all understanding?

Language, it seems, is insufficient to fully explain our emotions. Poets craft with words, singers with songs and artists with paint and canvas… but usually we fall short.

Often when I am coaching with someone, we reach a point beyond which they are unable to vocalize their feelings about a certain event in the past or express their fears of what could come in the future. As though the ability to explain has been taken from them, they hesitate, stutter and often fail to even briefly explain the thoughts and feelings that they encounter in their soul.

These are known as mind blocks, but I choose to think of then more as soul barriers. Often the truth behind these barriers is wrapped in pain, and is usually originally experienced in childhood, where our reasoning is limited, and our vulnerability amplifies the intensity of the pain.

Such painful emotions are not coded in language, but in sensations and images. The feeling part of our brain uses no words, but the part of our brain that tries to understand these feelings uses language to make sense of things.

And so the disconnect is born, and we have to painfully drag out these emotions, and examine them through the lens of language, so that we might pick out the falsehoods that accompany these sensations and images, and lay them to rest.

The next time you feel afraid, angry, sad, threatened or any other unwanted emotion, try to explain as clearly as possible why you feel that way. The answers may surprise you.

For practice, try explaining the emotions that the picture accompanying my words evokes. Share your description if you feel so inclined.

This process of explaining emotions is hard, but worthwhile. Unresolved pain creates more barriers to peace than anything else I have encountered.

The journey of self awareness is a long road, but the destination is a place of wonder.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: A desire to be see

A desire to be seen.

Someone very dear to me once told me that being loved was having someone “notice you, so the passing of your days meant something, and didn’t just disappear into obscurity”. Another dear friend offered the perspective that love was a peaceful haven in the midst of an impersonal and uncaring universe.

I would suggest that love is “how you spend your soul”.

As we celebrate Valentine’s Day today, I would ask you how you are “spending your soul”? Are you waiting, hoping and longing for someone to notice you so that you have someone with whom you can share? Are you meagerly withholding love as a protection to your heart, or as revenge for past deeds and failures.

Love is the strangest emotion, in that the harder you give it, the greater your capacity to feel it grows. Ultimately, love is the most uplifting and purifying emotion, when it arises from a deep and overwhelming concern for the welfare of another.

In its truest form, love moves us to care outside of ourselves, and make the world a better place.

Today, please be aware of those who live without the love that they desire, and share some of your love with them. In spending some of your soul with another, you will find peace, happiness and enlightenment as you transcend your own concerns, and give without taking, and love without losing.

Who are you loving today?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The truth will set you free, but first you have to find it

The truth will set you free, but first you have to find it.

As human beings, we use stories in our heads to explain our experiences. The story of our childhood, the story of our relationship, the story of why something didn’t work out or why we can’t achieve something.

But how often are those stories true?

As a parent, I’ve had to try to talk to my two wonderful boys about something that happened, and marveled at how they have two very different stories about why something got broken, or why a disagreement started. It’s instinctive as a child, and often still as an adult, to create a story in our mind that reflects what we want to have happened or to happen, rather than what did, or what could.

Stories are so very powerful because once they are told, we rarely go back to examine their veracity. They are accepted as truth, and we live our lives from the meanings we draw from them.

When was the last time you questioned the stories that you tell yourself in your head? The more I examine the truth of my own stories, I find meanings that enable me to justify my actions, live in my comfort zone and sometimes justify my continued bad opinion of another.

If we are not careful, we find ourselves writing the stories in our heads to meet our 6 human needs, but not in a way that positively encourages our growth.

Today, I invite you to reflect on the deepest stories that you tell yourself, and see if they are really true, or shaded to protect you and limit your vulnerability.

The more adept you becoming at seeing the real truth behind the stories you tell yourself, the greater self knowledge you will achieve, and the more at peace you will feel.

Know yourself, accept yourself, live yourself, and find peace.

[Morning Reflection]

The truth will set you free, but first you have to find it.

As human beings, we use stories in our heads to explain our experiences. The story of our childhood, the story of our relationship, the story of why something didn’t work out or why we can’t achieve something.

But how often are those stories true?

As a parent, I’ve had to try to talk to my two wonderful boys about something that happened, and marveled at how they have two very different stories about why something got broken, or why a disagreement started. It’s instinctive as a child, and often still as an adult, to create a story in our mind that reflects what we want to have happened or to happen, rather than what did, or what could.

Stories are so very powerful because once they are told, we rarely go back to examine their veracity. They are accepted as truth, and we live our lives from the meanings we draw from them.

When was the last time you questioned the stories that you tell yourself in your head? The more I examine the truth of my own stories, I find meanings that enable me to justify my actions, live in my comfort zone and sometimes justify my continued bad opinion of another.

If we are not careful, we find ourselves writing the stories in our heads to meet our 6 human needs, but not in a way that positively encourages our growth.

Today, I invite you to reflect on the deepest stories that you tell yourself, and see if they are really true, or shaded to protect you and limit your vulnerability.

The more adept you becoming at seeing the real truth behind the stories you tell yourself, the greater self knowledge you will achieve, and the more at peace you will feel.

Know yourself, accept yourself, live yourself, and find peace.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Healing by serving

Healing by serving.

All of us have injuries to our soul in one form or another. For some, it may be due to a difficult childhood, an abusive spouse, or a sudden and catastrophic loss of a part of our life that can never be recovered.

Others may have wounds that are ‘self-inflicted’, from an unwise choice, a momentary lapse in judgment, or a desire to meet a need that spirals into a history of bad choices leading to broken dreams.

No one escapes pain in this life, and no one gets to live without hardship, difficulty and struggle.

There is rarely a ‘way out’ of these situations, but there is often a way ‘through’.

If we are prepared to live it.

I recently asked a mentor of mine how I could move beyond where I am at in a certain aspect of my life. His answer touched me with a simple truth.

“Try to serve at a higher level’.

When we move from surviving to serving, we move from fear to fearlessness. When we dedicate ourselves to a greater cause than our own comfort, our pain and sadness can often be swallowed up in a servant heart, willing to bear our burden for the sake of others. When the hardships of life are viewed through a prism of hope, we encounter a sublime truth that can elevate our soul beyond its current engagement into a higher evolution.

We learn that often, our suffering is only such because of the way we interpret it. Suffering viewed through selfishness produces pain, while hardship viewed through the hope of helping others lifts us out of ourselves, and into a higher order of living.

Today, I invite you to find lift your heart through service, especially if that service stretches you beyond your current comfort into a greater giving.

Service is the pathway to peace, the decision through your difficulties, and the surest way I know to strengthen your heart to bear hardships with happiness.

Serve where you stand, and soon you will stand higher.

How may I serve you today?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: I gave, even though it wasn’t enough

[Morning Reflection: February 9, 2018]

I gave, even though it wasn’t enough.

Last night, after a long work day, I stopped to pick up a milkshake for my son who is sick. Through the window of the drive through, I saw something that stopped me cold.

A man sitting at a table on the other side of the restaurant was rubbing his hands. Repeatedly, fervently, agitated and uncontrollable. His appearance was unkempt, and he seemed uncertain of who or where he was. In those few brief seconds of vision, I could begin to see the difficulties that his life held.

My snap diagnosis was either mental illness, or some kind of cognitive deficit. In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sadness envelop me, as I pictured the life that this poor man has. For him, each day is a struggle. Not to achieve the shining heights of his ambitions, but to survive in a world that is confusing, difficult and often cruel.

As I pulled away from the drive through window, I suppressed the urge to cry for this poor man. I asked my wife, who had seen my sadness, “how do we make it right, how do we balance this”? The scope of the problem seemed overwhelming.

But in the moment that I asked her, I realized a powerful truth. That too often, I have done nothing because it seemed that anything would not be enough, and that fate itself would laugh at my small effort.

And so I rebelled. I rebelled against the despair that tried to hold me down. I rebelled against my ego that wanted to protect me from feeling uncomfortable. I rebelled against the voice in my head that told me I was trying to hold back the tide with my bare hands. In that moment, I rebelled against suffering, pain, sadness and hopelessness.

And I did something. I asked her for the $10 bill that we had just received in change. She gave it to me, and added the free sandwich gift card that we had also been given. I pulled out of the drive through, and back towards the front of the restaurant.

As I saw him again through the window, my original diagnosis seemed to hold up.

I stopped the car, and with a deep breath entered the door and walked over to him.

In a brief dialogue, I told him that I wanted to give him the $10 and the gift card. I told him that he was my “good deed” for the day. He stared at me, unsure as to why this stranger was giving him money in the midst of a fast food restaurant.

Truth is, I’m still not sure why I did it either.

But something in me, some part of my soul, connected with him in a way that I cannot express.

I realize that what I did will not change his life. I’m not sure what would. I was probably trying to hold back the tide.

But for one moment, in one brief intersection of two human beings, I acted in defiance of all that seeks to debase our existence. I can’t change too much of the world right now, but I can make small changes to help someone else have a day that is a little brighter, a night a little warmer, and a life just a little bit happier.

I don’t tell you this for my gain. I tell you this to ask for your help. Today, please find someone, anyone, who is suffering, and try to make their lives just that little better.

The universe can be cruel, hurtful, deceitful and unkind. My mission is to try, in whatever way I can, to alter that.

And I need your help.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Are you addicted to this?

Are you addicted to this?

As I look around in the world, I see more and more people suffering from addictions. Some are addicted to drugs, both prescription and illegal; some are addicted to status with their brand labels and designer tags; some are addicted to their electronic worlds which provide endless distraction often at the expense of value.

But most of all, I see addiction to certainty.

People like certainty. It provides a buffer against the chaos of the universe, but it also provides protection against possibilities. The possibility of being wrong, the possibility of being hurt, the possibility that things are not as you believe them to be.

We like certainty because it feels good. Calming. Comfortable. Controlled.

But certainty addiction can also create blockages on the pathway to peace. Being unwilling to let go of a certainty, and embrace possibility, is often the greatest blockage to truth. Truths that are now accepted were once taken as heresy. Things we are certain of today will eventually be shown to be wrong.

I invite you to become comfortable with uncertainty. Know less, listen more. Only with an open mind, and a heart willing to listen, can you progress beyond where you are at.

This does not mean that you have to change who you are. Rather, be willing to listen to an opposing point of view with honest sincerity; be willing to examine your own views before trying to break down those of another.

Above all, be willing to give up your certainty about who you are, and instead embrace who you can become. When you learn to identify with principles rather than labels, your life and service will change.

Trees survive the storm, because they are rooted but flexible. Certainty is stiffness, being willing to trust and become comfortable with uncertainty is flexibility.

Flexibility is growth, and growth is peace.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Malignant does not necessarily mean maliciou

Malignant does not necessarily mean malicious.

I wrote yesterday about how we sometimes maintain psychological relationships with those who have died, and how those relationships can be a source of strength and/or pain, depending on the nature of the relationship.

But it has become clear to me that sometimes, as a result of a ‘fear of speaking ill of the dead’, we shy away from truly understanding the effect that an ongoing psychological relationship with someone who has passed on can have in our lives. (This can also be true for those who are still living, but I’ll write about that another day).

Somehow, we may feel that admitting the truth that someone who has passed on either had, or still has, a malignant effect in our lives, is disrespectful and unkind. Rather than behave in a way that we feel is wrong, we shy away from examining and making peace within the relationship.

Today, I would invite you to reflect on the truth that malicious and malignant are not always synonymous. Just because someone had a malignant effect on your life doesn’t necessarily mean that they were a bad person.

In my life, there have been two people who have caused me great pain. I honestly believe that neither of them intended to.

Because of limitations of their own, caused by their own previous trauma and ongoing environmental and emotional issues, they caused and still in some aspects still cause me to feel pain and a lack of peace.

Recognizing that they are toxic to me is a start.

Recognizing that they did not intentionally hurt me helps me to release some of the pain and anger I feel in the ongoing psychological relationship.

Recognizing that I need to examine and make peace with their memory, and that I can do so without it being a negative statement about who they were/are as a person, allows me the freedom to truly go deeper into my soul, and make peace with the chaos I find there.

One day, I hope for the pain I feel to be swallowed up in my concern for those who may be causing me distress. This will only occur as I balance my needs, grow in humility and kindness, and practice daily the art of caring for others.

Malicious is not necessarily malignant. Accepting this truth can help you to find balance and peace now with those of your past, present and future.

It is my deepest wish for you to find peace, and then lead others to it.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The dead are never really gone from us

The dead are never really gone from us.

A few months ago, I had the privilege of a phone conversation with a wonderful lady who was trying to work through a problem. She was willing to talk with me to see if I could offer a different perspective, and in a conversation that lasted over an hour, we were able to identify a possible cause of pain and resistance.

Together, we understood that although a family member of hers had passed on, she was still in a psychological relationship with that family member because of some of the things that were said and done by that person. The relationship was not a completely peaceful one, and even now, years after the person’s passing, was still affecting my friend deeply.

Over this last weekend, I was privileged to help another person, someone who has had a very hard time adapting to the death of a family member. As we talked together, she came to the realization that some of her deep anger and frustration was because of the loss of the way that family member had made her feel.

She had felt unconditional love from this family member, which was not necessarily what she felt from others in her family. As we talked, it became clear to us that a significant portion of her being ‘stuck’ in her anger was because of the loss of that unconditional love. Understanding this will hopefully help her process through this a little easier now.

This post was almost titled “The dead never leave us”. In truth, we maintain psychological relationships with those who have passed on, good or bad. They may be relationships that are a source of strength, or they may be relationships that continue to hurt us, even though the person is no longer actively hurting us. Mostly, these ongoing relationships are subconscious based, whispering to our souls in a language we understand, but fail to put into words in our conscious mind.

Understanding those relationships, and working through acceptance and forgiveness, can eventually lead us to a peaceful relationship with those who have gone before us. This can be a freeing, powerful and uplifting experience.

Although the dead may have gone onwards, they live in our hearts and especially in our minds.

I think I will write more about this tomorrow. There are things that need to be said and understood.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: A sacred existence

The Eye in your Identity.

It is said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. Truly a miracle, our eyes speak as loud, if not louder, than our words. Joy, pain, hatred, love; all of these are communicated to the outside world by the very thing that we use to see that world.

Unfortunately though, we don’t always trust what our eyes show us. Even though our vision shows us as we are, many of us suffer with a picture of ourselves that is not supported by the things that we actually see.

Why don’t we trust the picture in the mirror? Why do we see others as better, and ourselves as the perpetual underdog in a competition that exists nowhere outside of our minds?

Seeing is believing they say, but we seem to have a hard time believing what we see when it speaks to our value, our worth, our goodness.

Today, I’d like to invite you to see yourself as if from another’s perspective. To do this, strip away all the negative self beliefs that you have, and really focus on all of the good things that you could see about yourself, if you really wanted to.

If you will allow it, there will come a feeling of peace as you being to see yourself as a true reflection. The world tries endlessly to make you feel less than you can see.

But only when you see and understand that you are enough, will you be able to find a sense of calmness in your soul, and be able to reach out to others with everything you have.

Today, see you. The real you. See your goodness, see your love, see your worth.

And believe.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: A sacred existence

A sacred existence.

Today, I invite you to pause, and reflect. Reflect upon the unbelievable opportunity that you have been given to be alive, now, here.

In the midst of all of life’s trials, tribulations, struggles and strife, there can come an overwhelming joy and happiness, if only you realize where you are.

While our planet, our world, has many occupants, it only has one of you. You are empowered with passion, power, potential and possibility.

If it has been a long time since you felt a sense of wonder at your existence, I invite you to consider that in all of time, in all the worlds, in every facet of reality that makes up this universe, you are here.

While here may be difficult, frightening, painful or lonely, please take a moment to look up and comprehend that our world, this sky, this ball of rock, these majestic oceans, are moving through a universe of unparalleled beauty, magnificence and grace.

And you are a part of it.

Your existence is sacred, because it is happening.

Now.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: What is your purpose?

What is your purpose?

In Latin, there is a phrase, ‘sine qua non’, which translated comes out to “without which there is nothing”. Another way of phrasing this is “that which without”, meaning a core part of something, without which the whole would be pointless or worthless.

Lately, I have come to the realization that what has been missing in my life for so long is alignment with my purpose.

This misalignment has manifested as sadness, being easily distracted, a feeling like every day is that same as the one before, and that life has lost the energy that made it magical.

It has also shown up as confusion, fear, anxiety and, most noticeably, as a feeling of being truly, deeply and profoundly lost.

It is a terrible thing to know exactly where you are, and to know that you are not where you should be, and that you have no idea where that is.

Almost 18 months ago my life changed radically, and I was forced into an ongoing period of uncertainty which haunts me every day. I still feel like I am not where I am supposed to be, but not so much in a geographical sense, more in terms of what I am doing with my life.

In short, I am not in alignment with my purpose. As I struggle to find and align with what I believe is the reason for my existence, there are moments when I feel in alignment and there is a sense of power; a sense of devotion to something greater than myself; an enlightenment of my soul; and access to knowledge that flows through me.

Those moments, fleeting though they are, leave me deeply moved, and full of gratitude for the opportunity to be part of a purpose which is greater than I am.

In trying to align, find balance and serve, I have come to believe that finding out why you are here is the day you really become alive.

While I can’t tell you exactly what my purpose is right now, I am hopeful that I am beginning to understand at least the essential nature of what I will devote the rest of my life to.

Because when you find your reason, your ‘sine-qua-non’, you will understand what your life is about, and I hope that you will serve your cause, your truth, and your passion with everything you have to give.

I truly believe that we all have something to contribute.

To quote Yoda, “luminous beings we are, not this crude matter”.

Your being, is about being you. Authentic, alive and amazing.

Why are you here, and are you living it?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Question without judgment, question for progress

Question without judgment, question for progress.

As I continue this journey into my heart, mind and soul, I realize that although I become more aware of my thoughts by questioning, even the questions I ask myself are often limiting.

These questions are often imbued with judgment, which in turn restricts my answers, and continues to create barriers to even the process of self examination.

In the beginning my questions were loaded with self loathing, in such terms as “why am I so stupid’, or my all time favorite ‘why does God hate me so much that he keeps doing this to me”. The former victimizes myself, and the latter takes solace in the palace of victimhood, wherein I cannot be expected to take any action because after all, someone else is to blame (anyone, as long as it was not me).

Eventually, my questions became more mature, and I came to an initial level of acceptance of who I was. My questions reflected this progression, by changing to a questions of why. “Why do I act this way?” or “Why do I have a pattern of this behavior?” Over time, as I became more adept at reading myself, I began to find answers, which inevitably led to more questions. From the wisdom of the Bene Gesserit (from the book ‘Dune’ by Frank Herbert) we ultimately learn that it is how we navigate between our questions that determines our eventual destiny. Still, some of those questions are loaded with judgment, which in turns increases my burdens and slows my progression.

But now I feel that my questions are beginning to shift again. Now, along with the introspective Why, which still has so much value, I find myself starting to ask a new question, a question of process…How?

How do I make a difference in the world? How can I be a better servant? How can I lift others and use the talents and knowledge with which I have been entrusted?

For it is not sufficient to gain knowledge; I must apply that knowledge to gain wisdom.

How is process, how is growth. How forces me out of my comfort zone, where I have lived far too many years, and bids me take my place in the ever evolving future of possibility.

How makes me accept who I am, and assume the responsibility of who I can become.

How is powerful, how is scary.

How am I doing?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The way I choose to think

The way I choose to think.

One of the hardest truths that I’ve ever had to learn is that I have both the ability and responsibility to choose how I think about life.

For many years, I fought against this idea, holding onto the belief that my unconsidered, unquestioned and non-intentional reactions and thoughts were the only ones that had validity, that were ‘real’; and that thoughts and feelings that were the result of a deliberate attempt to change how I felt about the life and the universe were ‘fake, manufactured and somehow unworthy’.

Only after years of self study did I finally realize that most of my ‘non-intentional reactions’ were just as false as the thoughts that were generated from reflection and conscious choice. My non intentional thoughts/feelings were built on a bedrock of incorrect assumptions, unconscious evasions and selfish manifestations.

I wanted a universal truth, a singular focus, a world without the responsibility of self government, where I could react without thinking and see the world through a simple lens.

I truth, I wanted certainty and simplicity, and I was seeking to evade the responsibility of a sentient mind.

Time has changed that for me. As I study deeper into quantum physics and the power of intention, I am drawn to the truth that how we see and feel about our world determines how we make our way in it.

One persons problem is another person’s portal. In truth, most of my problems are in fact pathways to progression, if I can only learn to see them as such, but because they may be painful and difficult to confront, I shy away from them and call them ‘problems’.

Conscious thinking converts chaos into capability, problems into possibilities, and pain into power. It all begins with the decision to think and feel intentionally, to reason rather than react, and to respond rather than recoil.

Only when I change how I think can I alter the way I show up in my life.

Today, I choose to engage my intention and determine that even though storms may surround me, I will see them as winds to push me forward.

The journey may be bumpy, it may be painful and at times it may scare me to my core.

But that’s ok. Life is about how you choose to see the ride you are on.

What problem in your life is really a potential?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Why I can’t let it go

Why I can’t let it go.

I had a revelation today, that answered a question I have been struggling with for a long time. Specifically, why do I remain angry at certain people in my life, and why can’t I let it go and move on?

I know that holding on to anger affects me negatively, and I try my best between meditation and life changes to release these feelings, but some stubbornly remain.

When I view anger at someone else through the lens of my 6 human needs, I find that it meets at least 3 of those needs. In being angry, I achieve my significance need by looking at the way I was treated, and feeling like a victim. But in addition, and this only came to me this weekend while teaching a class of 14 year olds who said that they struggle with forgiveness, I’ve realized that being angry at someone allows me to continue a relationship that for some reason I would like to perpetuate, even if the relationship was in some ways painful.

And further, I’ve realized that by being angry, it allows me to control the parameters of the ongoing relationship in a way that probably prevents me from being hurt again, which is a form of certainty.

So by not forgiving someone, I am able to supply my needs of certainty, significance and connection. It is said that any action that meets three of our needs will become an addiction if we do not take steps to control it.

So if I am to learn to more effectively forgive, I must learn to become self sufficient in my own needs.

And that is so much harder than I thought possible.

Who are you angry with?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The perspective of all that is

The perspective of all that is.

I have often wondered what my ancestors would think of me. Would they look at my life, marveling at the peace and comfort that surrounds me? What must my descendents think of me, struggling here with the rudimentary technology that they find comical in its inadequacy.

Will those in the future look at me in the way that I look at people 200 years ago; with a wry smile at the strange beliefs and customs that limited and constrained their progression.

I often wonder what is it that will appear so obvious in 100 years, yet is unknown to us now. My recent readings and studies suggest that our mind, focus and intention in the quantum and macro-quantum worlds is the next frontier in our ongoing adventure as a species.

Yet for all of our technology, I believe it is the progression of the collective soul of our common humanity that will ennoble and edify our evolution.

When we take the suffering of others more seriously. When we demand a greater humanity from those who would lead. When we are willing to allow humility and compassion to console our own wounds, and when we are ready to give of ourselves because in our hearts we are wealthy, only then will we be ready to live up to the divine spark that resides in each one of us.

When we see our lives from the perspective of all that is, we will recognize that we are more wealthy than we imagine, more powerful that we realize; far stronger than our challenges; and more loving than our fears.

Then, we will understand ourselves, and each other.

And we will have peace.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Now is the enemy of forever

The perspective of welcome.

For many years, I lived with the false belief that God, or the universe, or whomever, hated me. I viewed every bad event in my life as a testimony to the truth that I was never going to be allowed to be successful. Growing up in a dysfunctional home often leaves more mental scars than physical ones, and that belief came out of a difficult environment.

I have come to realize that not only was that mindset damaging to my future, it was actually a way of excusing my own weakness and selfishness. If the universe was determined to see me fail, then I was never guilty when something went wrong, even though in quiet moments I could see that some things were my fault.

In reality, most negative events were just the reality of living in an entropic universe. Bad days occur, things break, and ill advised choices end up turning out badly.

For me, my life began to turn around when I adopted a phrase I heard. I believe it was Tony Robbins who said “Life is not happening to you, it is happening for you”.

I resisted this at first, because it forced me to accept that there is always something good in any experience if I look for it. It also forces me out of my self-justifying victim mentality, and into a mindset that places upon me the opportunity to be responsible for my choices, no matter how difficult the circumstances may be.

As my mindset, or perspective, changes, I come to realize that whatever the situation, I can find something of good, some lesson of value, in any experience. When I decide that my life is happening for me, the universe opens to show a myriad of positive possibilities, if I but welcome them even though they appear cloaked in misfortune.

When I do this, I am blessed.

How is your life happening for you today?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Now is the enemy of forever

Now is the enemy of forever.

I’ve been writing about perspective, and how our emotions are affected by it. I’ve also come to understand that time is a perspective, but one that can consume us if we do not control it.

As people try to become more ‘mindful’, they attempt to bring their awareness into their current experience frame, trying to remove all other time references to truly focus only on what is ‘now’.

But in doing so, we risk taking for granted that and those which are now, but may not always be.

As I sit in my office at my home, I am moved to realize that the earth in this location was once free flowing lava, then fields, now houses, and may yet change into a scorched desert or a frozen tundra. If I tie myself into only now, I lose my gratitude references and can lose my sense of wonder at the time in which I find myself.

Likewise, I always try to treat my family from the understanding that they may not always be here, and that at a future time I could mourn their absence. There may yet be a future in which I am without one or all of them, and I try to feel that future in order to keep a clear perspective on the now.

When I maintain this frame of reference, tempore-sensu (latin, time sense), I am filled with gratitude and love for the people around me. I find a more profound sense of purpose and value in each day, realizing how blessed I am to be, here, now.

Maintaining a greater reference of time and location help me to find humility, gratitude, focus and joy. I am hopeful that it allows me to be a better servant.

I exist to serve, because it brings me peace.

What are you grateful for?

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings