Morning Reflection: Becoming conscious.

Becoming conscious.

There is nothing more beautiful in the world than an awakened mind. The mind that is conscious of itself, not given to thoughtless reaction or cruel inflection, changes both itself and the world around it.

One of my favorite authors created a character who taught me a great deal about life. One of her greatest quotes went like this… “The trouble is, you see, that if you do know Right from Wrong, you can't choose Wrong. You just can't do it and live”.

Awakening is a complex moment, where you are aware not only of your place in the world and your responsibilities therein, but that you are also in command of your inner world, and can no longer allow yourself the freedom and luxury of thoughtless action and mindless reflex.

Awakening is painful, for the moral complexities require you to balance your own needs with the needs of the world, the species, the universe.

You are now truly responsible to find out who you are, and bring your existence in line with your highest truths and aspirations.

Awakening allows you to see the divine in everyone, and endows you with the responsibility to act accordingly. Kindness becomes your cloak in the dark, and your light in the distance.

From the moment we arrive at sentience, we take our first steps on our journey towards enlightenment, which is a full awakening.

Each day, each hour, brings opportunities and choices to confirm our awakening, and continue the process of shedding our frailties and fears, and taking upon us the mantle of an awakened servant, ready to balance now with eternity, need with responsibility, power with compassion and justice with mercy.

Today, may you find a greater awakening as you seek to understand yourself.

Upon finding emotions that are out of alignment with the truth of yourself, may you change them through the work of understanding, challenging, discarding and ultimately releasing all that is in you that holds you down.

Awaken today, and become the beacon that I know you can be.

Awaken, and step into the truth of all that you are.

Awaken.

I believe in you.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Drowning in need

Drowning in need.

The reason behind our deepest actions always seems to come back to one of the 6 human needs. The further I progress in meditation on those needs, I find a greater appreciation for their importance and a deeper concern over how we manage our needs, and the needs of others.

I was blessed in the past to work with a client who was struggling with a teenage daughter.

Some years ago, my client was involved in a difficult divorce, and the young daughter took the separation from her other parent very hard.

As the daughter grew into a teenager, she became increasingly rebellious and paid little attention to her school work. She had a quick temper and was disrespectful. Frustrated, my client sought a solution.

After some thought, I realized that my client was trying to define a course of action for the teenage daughter based on my client’s interpretation of the daughter’s needs, rather than the actual needs that the daughter was experiencing.

In truth, the separation of her parents had affected the young girl very deeply, and as a result, she was extremely lacking in certainty, significance and connection. Her teenage mind was unable to see past her current pain, and act in ways that were best for her in the ‘long term’.

Her current actions, which were so frustrating to my client, were her own attempt to reduce the pain that she was feeling now.

She was not concerned about potential pain in the future when she was desperately hurting in the present.

To use a metaphorical analogy, the daughter was drowning in the ocean, and my client was trying to get her to put on a wetsuit to avoid getting cold.

How many of us are unaware of our own needs, and are in essence “drowning”, but unable to clearly define the pain that we feel?

In my journey into self awareness, I have reached deeper into my soul and sought these answers. This has allowed me to help others, and while I regret that I have experienced some of the things that have occurred in my life, I am able to realize that in learning of myself, I can apply that knowledge to serve others.

That is my joy, my passion and my purpose. Serving and helping others creates a sense of serenity that meets some of my deepest human needs, and satisfies them in a way I had not anticipated.

If you are hurting today, or feel that something is missing in your life, I invite you to meditate on your needs and see if you are able to identify areas that you can address.

If you are struggling with the actions of a another who is hurting, may I suggest that you listen to them, and try to see the world from their perspective. Finding a balance between the two of you starts with understanding their point of view, and respecting their humanity, even if it is not what you want to hear.

The first step on the road to peace is awareness. I will write more about the next step soon.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: A simple life

A simple life.

How do you measure your life? Do you determine the success of your day by the car in your driveway, the balance in your bank, or square footage you call home?

Do you find yourself unable to take joy in the simplest of pleasures, when silence heralds joy and where solitude begets serenity?

Too many times, I talk to people who feel their life is not a success because they have not achieved something ‘heroic, epic, or noteworthy’. These are they who can find no peace nor rest in their endeavors, for they are eternally lost in the incessant hunger for achievement and fame.

Somewhere, in all of our stories of conflict, love and endeavor, we have lost our perspective of the beauty and wonder of a life lived without fanfare, a time spent in the wonder of the everyday.

We have lost appreciation of ‘that which makes us happy’ in favor of ‘that which brings us attention’. In this world of social media, where the rush to be louder has drowned out the responsibility to be kinder, we see a distortion of the simple into the sensational, the calm into the chaotic, and the everyday into the extraordinary.

In our attempts to rise above so that we might be noticed, we have abandoned many of the simple day to day activities that can bring us joy. A quiet talk with a dear friend is interrupted by the constant cacophony of electronic media. An afternoon spent in the garden is overshadowed by the need to create a masterpiece to be viewed by others. A life lived with a single companion is judged against the constant never ending stream of new partners that bring neither peace nor contentment.

As we race headlong into the digital frontier, where reality is virtual and where the sensational is replacing the ordinary, we are sacrificing our humanity and our perspective for the temporary thrill, the abandonment of goodness and the ever expanding need to be ‘something’.

Today, I implore you to just be. You are enough. You are enough. You possess in you all the kindness and compassion you need to fill the world around you with love and light.

You do not need more. You do not need to be more.

You are, and that is all you need to be.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The 3 Truths

The 3 Truths.

I have been meditating recently on the nature of human interactions. It amazes me that we as a people, a species, are able to communicate with each other, through the written and spoken languages that we have created.

Language describes concepts that we share, but those concepts are unique to our own understanding. We navigate reality with language, in a desperate attempt to define the unknown, and to bring order from the chaos. Language allows us to define truths.

But that truth is always relative.

In any interaction, there are 3 truths.

If you and I meet and talk, there is the truth I take away from the moment, based in my understanding of concepts of language, the meanings I derive from our conversation based on my past experiences and my own needs, and the misunderstandings that arise from our inability to fully express ourselves.

You walk away from that same interaction with your truth, based on the same events I just outlined.

And then there is the summation truth, which is the outcome of the ongoing interaction based on our flawed perceptions from all that we achieved.

As I seek for greater peace in my soul, I am focusing on achieving a greater understanding of all the interactions I experience.

I am trying to assume less, ask more questions, and listen with a greater intensity to the summation truth that arises from the time I spend with others.

Communication is a blessing, a gift, a saving faculty, and if we allow it, an ennobling serenity.

True communication, both verbal and physical, allows us to define our ongoing experience of reality in a way that evokes meaning, and creates a sense of the sublime from the everyday.

Communication takes time, patience, sincerity, humility and desire.

May we communicate today at a deeper level, commensurate with our shared humanity.

That we may draw closer to each other, and find joy therein.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: How do you find inspiration?

How do you find inspiration?

I love being inspired. That moment where a truth becomes evident, or a solution presents itself out of nowhere. It’s like the clouds of confusion part, and a ray of light illuminates my soul with understanding.

I wish I could say that inspiration arrives on schedule, but it’s never on a convenient timeline. My poor wife has become used to the way I will stop during a conversation, get a far-away look and immediately write something down before the idea fades.

During dinner, driving on the freeway, in the movie theater…there’s no schedule, there’s no rhyme or reason, it just happens.

And although I cannot force the moment, I have found that there are things I can do to prepare myself for those moments. I share these today in the hope that it might help you find a greater level of guidance and inspiration in your own life.

First, I try to seek understanding of others before I am sure that they understand me. This forces me to question more than I assert. Questions are essential for seeking truth, and in questions I often find inspiration in answers.

Second, trying to understand others places on me a burden of humility. Humility is essential for seeking true inspiration, because humility allows me to accept possibilities which at first may seem to threaten my sense of self, but on deeper understanding may be the way forwards.

Humility removes my ego from the situation which makes me more receptive to external ideas, rather than trying to force my own solutions, which are tainted by my flaws and weaknesses.

Third, I try to find quiet places. We have a place that we go to, away in the mountains, that has become my spiritual wilderness. It’s a drive of about 2-3 hours, through a winding forest of pine and stone that breaks out into a wide verdant valley, and majestic mountains. There are also large lakes, and a sense of the eternal. This seems to quiet some of the noise in my soul, and allow me to be open to possibilities not easily evident to me.

Fourth, I try to find wisdom in the books that I read, and the content I consume in media. It leads me down some fairly strangle rabbit holes, from Indian spiritual teachers through quantum physics, psychology research papers through biographies of notable people. The constant search for wisdom is the only way I know to overcome my own weaknesses, and my only hope for the peace that I find so elusive.

Lastly, I try to maintain an attitude of service and reverence for others. When I am seeking answers for others I find that inspiration flows easier. My role as a healer is to reduce the suffering in the world around me. When serving is my guidepost, I find a clearer path to the inspiration I seek, and a greater sense of purpose in my everyday interactions.

May you find your own way to inspiration, and may you share what you learn, that we might all be edified and empowered.

We are the solution to the suffering, but we can only achieve that together.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Your offering to the world

Your offering to the world.

What value is there in a life? How do you measure the worth of a soul, and more importantly, how do you decide your own worth?

It’s easy in this world to fall victim to the lie that you have no worth. Society, the media, literature and even sometimes those around us seem to have a vested interest in promoting the message that we are not enough.

Maybe because of how we look, how we speak, how we travel, the size of our house. There are so many comparisons that sometimes we falter under the weight of it all.

And it’s true that we are different from each other. Some excel in one area, some in another.

Yet we measure our imagined imperfections against the supposed perfection of others, and fail to recognize the truth that we all have value in what we can give; in how we can serve.

What has more value than kindness? How do you measure an act of service that lifts another from the depths of despair?

In the darkest moments of your soul, when the very universe seems stacked against you, a desire to serve others will help you find the humanity within that can lift you out of the darkness.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I am sure there is something you have to offer the world. Some way that you can change someone’s day, even if only for a moment.

When you serve another person, you are proclaiming that they are worth serving. When your kindness lifts another, your actions declare that they are worth helping. When you give of yourself, your time, your talents and your soul, you profess to the universe that this person is worth saving.

In your unequivocal declaration that another human being is worth something, you will uncover your own declaration of value.

No matter where you are, even if all you have to give is a kind word and a smile, give all that you can today to make the world a better place.

And you will discover that you have value beyond measure.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The beauty of a moment of epiphany

The beauty of a moment of epiphany.

I don’t know if you feel this way, but as I get older, less and less seems to make sense. Truths from my past become mixed with the questions of today, and clouded in the possibilities of tomorrow.

I find that as my path changes through self discovery and self awareness, the pathway itself becomes more random. As I seek to find direction, I often find more confusion.

But then it happens.

Just at the moment where I feel lost, the answers come.

When I have pushed myself to breaking point, when my mind is a maelstrom of questions, doubts, patterns and possibilities, the clouds part for a moment, and the pathway becomes clear.

Maybe it’s a subject for another reflection, maybe it’s the direction I need to take this work in, or maybe it’s a truth that allows me to serve at a higher level.

I wish you could be with me when it arrives, because I’d love to have the chance to share it with you in person.

I was able to share a moment with 4 amazing women this last evening, who I have had the unique honor and privilege of teaching for the last 3 months.

As I sat with them, listened to their thoughts and shared mine, I felt the gentle energy of another epiphany. This time, it was a confirmation that I am bringing my purpose more into line with my gifts, my talents and my reason for being here.

It’s so hard to describe, but when it happens, it’s like I am enlightened, and the words, thoughts, patterns and energies intertwine, and I feel more connected, more alive, more the person I am supposed to be.

However the epiphany arrives, I am grateful for the chance to learn. Just as I am so grateful for the thoughts, comments and feedback that you have given me in this work.

It is an honor to share, even for a moment, in your awareness.

I hope to keep receiving and sharing these things with you. I am so grateful for you, and the chance to serve you.

You mean the world to me.

Thank you.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: It’s not about you, it’s me

It’s not about you, it’s me.

Yesterday I wrote about the need to disengage from people who can never get enough, and how you can metaphorically set yourself on fire trying to keep them warm.

Today I would like to write about the other side of that equation; when it is not about the other person, but about you.

In my quest for peace, I have tried to understand why some people bring out the worst emotions in me. Not that I allow it to show, but there are a few people that it just hurts to be around, because of my own weaknesses and insecurities.

One person especially just hits me in every aspect of my soul.

Please understand, this person has never acted towards me in a way that deserves reproach, censure or correction. Their conduct has been perfectly amiable.

Their effect on me is purely a result of my emotions, and even though I understand that it is my issue, that doesn’t necessarily change how this person makes me feel. It is enough to say that I do not feel peace in their presence.

In an attempt to understand why, I have been forced to bring my emotions into the realm of language, for that is how we eventually decode, process and make peace with our emotions.

Describing emotions is never easy, but it is so worthwhile.

In meditation, I have understood that this person represents my dreams for the future and my wishes of how the past could have been. This brings out both the angry child within me, and the scared adult who wonders if I will ever find my dreams fulfilled.

Every negative emotion that I seem to possess is brought to the fore when I am in this person’s presence.

And I realize that it is all me.

So I have decided that for my own protection, I will spend less time in the presence of this person. Not because they are destructive, but because my own peace of mind is valuable, and worthy of protection.

I have a responsibility to myself to manage my own emotional energy. It is also a necessary part of self care, which is something I struggle with.

My hope is that in a future day, I will achieve an internal balance sufficient to be in that person’s presence without feeling the way I do now.

The good news is that because it’s my problem, I have hope that I can find a solution.

Hope is a good thing. Hope shines through.

Hope is eternal.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: You can’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm

You can’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.

It is a sad truth that there are people in this world for whom nothing is ever enough. Like a black hole, they are cursed to wander through the world with a terrifying need, a thirst that can never be satisfied.

And although they are to be pitied, for theirs is never a peaceful existence, they are also to be avoided, because nothing you do will ever be enough for them.

Hence the mantra: you can’t set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.

Sometimes we meet someone who has a wound in their soul that just never seems to heal. Like the hole in the bucket that will never allow the bucket to be filled, the soul wound prevents the sufferer from ever finding peace in their own heart. Whether it be biology or genealogy, nature or nurture, nothing you do for them will ever satisfy their need for more.

And at some point, you have to stop trying.

The good in you wants to make everything better, but sometimes you can’t. The kindness in you wants to reach out and give more of your time, love, dedication and effort, but it isn’t enough. It never will be.

And eventually you realize that you have given too much of yourself, and metaphorically ‘set yourself on fire’ in a desperate attempt to ‘keep somebody else warm’.

If you find yourself in this situation, this is my plea—and my permission to you—that it is time to scale back your efforts, and focus on establishing a balance that reverences your soul as well as theirs.

While you can still act with kindness, know that your first responsibility is to yourself. While you can still give of your time, you must balance their needs against yours.

For in the end, they are responsible for their own happiness, just as you are.

Today, find balance in your relationships, by taking care of yourself.

You are important, and your kindness and compassion must be lovingly cared for, but also carefully controlled.

You have worth, and are worthy of your own love.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: My light creates my shadow

My light creates my shadow.

All of us are born with gifts. Some are readily apparent, some only come to the fore after many years of struggle, and some we never quite seem to fully incorporate into our lives.

Also, each of us comes into this universe with our own capacity for darkness. I have struggled for many years to understand mine, and to overcome it.

Recently, I arrived at the understanding, that the very darkness that frustrates me is in fact fact a byproduct of the very gifts that strengthen me.

My creative mind, that allows me to write these reflections, also gifts me with a tendency very much like attention deficit disorder, which makes paying attention very difficult, and following through with simple but mundane tasks an absolute nightmare.

My improvisational mind, that allows me to think on my feet while talking in front of a room full of strangers, also creates a tendency towards anxiety when things are peaceful. It’s like my brain doesn’t know how to handle the quiet.

My gift with words and phrasing, when coupled with my gifts at reading the emotions that beset others makes me a compassionate and intuitive coach, but for many years in my young adult life this created a potential for sarcasm and cruelty that took effort to control.

My desire for deep introspection and learning gives me insights that allow me to share healing with others, but makes me a poor conversationalist around things that are more ‘everyday’.

For the longest time, I have seen my darkness as separate and distinct from the good side of me, and I criticized myself for it.

Only now, as I deepen my self knowledge, do I realize that this darkness is simply the reflection of all the good that I can do in the world.

And I understand that the greater level of peace I distill into my soul, the less the darkness in me will be a factor.

Capacity and capability do not determine our character; rather our choices and our compassion.

May you find a balance between your own light and darkness, and the peace to choose wisely.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: When not enough is actually all that you need

When not enough is actually all that you need.

It’s amazing how we let our minds trap ourselves into believing that we have to be “perfect”. I had a realization this week that I would like to share in the hope that it might help you treat yourself with a little more kindness.

On Wednesday evening I was blessed to be able see a late movie with my son. We got home late, and went to bed even later. Getting up at 6 AM to walk on the treadmill was a goal, but not one that I was looking forward to, and when 6 AM came I didn’t make the treadmill.

As I got up later though, I decided that I was going to dress and walk on the treadmill, even if only for a few minutes.

It turns out that 5 minutes on the treadmill was all I needed yesterday morning. Not that I burned a lot of calories, or radically changed my metabolism, but because I was able to change the thought pattern in my head, which is much more powerful.

I realized that the duration of time this morning spent on the treadmill was nowhere near as important as the fact that I had gotten on the treadmill. Because getting on the treadmill taught my soul the recurring lesson that exercise for my body is important.

It reinforced that I can make good decisions even after failing to follow through on an intention. Most of all it taught me that not being able to do “everything” that I had planned is never a reason not to do something.

Our success, our happiness in our overall journey is made up of many ‘somethings’ and very few ‘everythings’.

Rarely do we get everything we want, rarely do we achieve everything we set out to. But it’s the things that we accomplish in 5 minutes every day that cumulatively add up to changes for a lifetime.

Wherever you find yourself today, spend 5 minutes on you.

Do that every day and eventually you get where you want to be.

You might not get there as fast as you hoped, but you’ll get there much faster than you will if you never do something because you can’t do everything.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: You are the only person that matters

You are the only person that matters.

One of the hardest truths I ever had to learn was that whatever I wanted, it was all on me. I struggled against that, even rebelled against that for a while, because it didn’t fit with the narrative for my life that I was invested in.

Because of the circumstances of my childhood, I grew up with the hope that someone, somewhere would come along who would ‘fix me’, and in some aspects, I felt that the universe owed me that much. Entitlement, it turns out, is not just a problem for those who grow up privileged.

Over the years, I feel like I have progressed beyond some of my childhood patterns, and I have learned to forgive myself for the ways in which I believed and behaved in the past.

I have truly come to understand that I am ‘the only person that matters’. It’s not that other people aren’t important, far from it; but when it comes to my personal development, my own personal journey towards a higher existence, I am the only person who can do that work.

The toil of enlarging my soul is not something that I can hire out to others. It’s all on me.

I also realized that I was going to have to change my relationship with pain. Not necessarily physical pain, but with the emotional pain of loneliness, fear, anxiety and sadness.

The true test of a person’s resolve isn’t how much pain they can take when they don’t have a choice. It’s how much pain and discomfort they are willing to accept when they have a choice, but choose to embark on their own enlightenment journey anyway.

Growth is often painful because we have to get outside of our comfort zone, and push ourselves into new and difficult territory. We risk failure (a potential loss of significance), loneliness (a potential loss of connection) and the unknown (a potential loss of certainty).

The ability of someone to push through these negative emotions has a direct correlation to how fast they will progress on their journey.

Too many times have I seen people who refuse to accept their ‘self’ responsibility to improve, and who instead retrench into bitterness, negativity, sarcasm and snark.

Pity the souls who live with such emotions, for they are those who live without self respect, and without self love.

In the end, the only person who can do the work is ourselves.

Yes, life will provide plenty of ‘learning experiences’ along the way, but it is our own choice, our own determination and our own willingness to suffer that will grant us enlightenment.

The Buddha taught that ‘enlightenment’ was simply ‘not suffering’.

May your journey lead you there, and may you bring others with you.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: There is calm after the storm

There is calm after the storm.

All of us have storms in our lives. While for most of us the day to day existence of mortality is like a gentle sea that softly moves us, we all seem to go through periods where everything seems to be stacked against us, where the very gates of hell seem to stand open before us.

I have heard those times described as a divine storm, where all that is good in the universe has abandoned us and we are adrift in a sea of entropy, with chaos our companion and sadness our siren.

I have been through these times, and doubtless you have as well. I think it is one of our ‘human problems’, something in our experience that unites us in a shared suffering that hopefully breeds an enlightening empathy.

When those storms come, it’s tempting to feel alone and abandoned. I think sometimes that is the purpose of a divine storm; to let you stand alone and test yourself against that which hurts you.

I have lived long enough to realize that rarely do those storms last. Even though I do not enjoy the time of a storm, I have grown enough through struggle to realize that after a storm, there is usually a peaceful calm. 

In those times, I am able to reflect and realize that I have grown because of the storm; that my capacity and capability have been enlarged, and my concern for others has been magnified.

In short, while the storm is painful, it can make me powerful. It removes from me the excesses that hold me down, and reveals to me the strength and talents that will lift me up.

There is always a calm after the storm, and in that time, I realize I have become more.

The storm is my friend, and while it is here, I will embrace my friend.

And become.

Each day I share a picture that I feel connects with the words I share. Today I am blessed to be able to share a picture of my own taking. This was taken a few minutes after a storm had moved through our valley. The storm left a torrent of water on the west bound road I was driving, in the evening, into the setting sun. For a few minutes, I could barely see anything, and had to drive at a very slow speed, passing cars that had collided because the glare from the road had blinded them. Even though a storm occurred, the aftermath for me was a beautiful sunset. I share it today in the hope that it may give you encouragement through any storm you are facing. There is a calm awaiting you. My desire is that you find it at the right time.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Photo by Dr. Alan Barnes.

Morning Reflection: Reverence

Reverence.

I saw this picture, and I knew that all I had to do was find the right words. The subject had already been decided for me.

According to the information I could find, the gentleman seated was an elderly Chinese man who was waiting for a train, and somehow passed on before his train arrived. 

The gentleman standing over him is a monk, and acting as a person of faith, he is showing reverence for the passing of this man. I do not know if the monk knew this person, but the attitude of the monk shows a deep, sincere and profound reverence.

Reverence is a curious emotion, in that it can take us out of ourselves. We reverence things that are sacred, greater than ourselves, of inestimable worth.

This monk’s reverence for life touched me deeply. I think this reverence is somehow missing in our day to day interactions with each other. 

This monk has probably lived a life of service, discipline, and sacrifice, and even though he has probably lived without some of the comforts that we take for granted, I can’t help but think that in some way, he may have a greater connection to humanity and to eternity than most of us.

Reverence for life crosses all cultures, creeds and countries.

As we reverence one human life in passing, so might we live to reverence each life in its living.

When everyone you meet is sacred, then your heart will find sanctity in the everyday.

For every day is a miracle, a blessing, an opportunity and a gift.

May we each find the sacred in our lives today, and show reverence for it.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Photo by HU YUANJIA/Reuters/ Asian News Photo

Joy

Morning Reflection: A struggle for meaning

A struggle for meaning.

Deep in our past, we as a species struggled for survival. Against the elements, against the wildlife, against rival tribes, against rival countries.

As we have slowly conquered the elements, subdued the savage beasts, found a way to live in less destructive ways with each other and forged a kind of peace unknown for the majority of our history, we have unwittingly set our feet on a pathway to our next frontier.

The struggle to find meaning. 

Technology has increased the time in which we have to sit, to think, to ponder and to discover, but we still struggle to find our place in the world, our reason for being here.

I talk with too many people who in their heart feel a discontent, a relentless vacancy of their spirit, a constant absence that steals their peace and torments their soul.

In all of our efforts to prolong and improve life, we have yet as a species to move into a balance of an enlightened existence. We focus on comparison, when we need more compassion. We spend more time in distraction than we do in meditation, and find comfort in conflict instead of connection.

If we are to grow into our potential, then we must find new meaning in our existence, and need to be kinder in our differences.

To exist is not enough. 

Our sentience and our souls demand a higher level of being, a more compassionate level of service. 

We have to stand in our own place, and declare through our words and our actions that in spite of our differences we can overcome our divisions. That although we disagree, we need not be disagreeable. That we are more than contention, and greater than our fears.

If we are to find meaning in our moments, then we must find that which ennobles our existence, and those actions which bring serenity to our souls.

We are greater than our basest desires, more faithful than our deepest fears, and more powerful than we can imagine.

Seek, and you will find. Meaning may be found in both movement and meditation.

Meaning is serving. Serving brings meaning.

If you would silence the storms of your soul, find meaning in the difference you can make in the lives around you.

And serve.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: What defines you?

What defines you?

As people, we often find comfort in defining ourselves. It seems to give a sense of security against the chaos and randomness in the universe.

So many people define themselves by their role as a parent, or what they do to support their family, or by some achievement they have reached. 

For some, it is about what they have done in the past; for some it may be a behavior they are trying to overcome in the present, and for others it may be that which they are struggling to accomplish in the future.

The older we get, the more rigid our definitions become, and the less flexible we tend to be in our thinking and our self definitions.

Today, I would invite you to take a moment and consider the opposite.

What or who would you be in the absence of definitions? 

I have learned that people who have changed the world for the better are people who seem to have moved beyond the definition of themselves, and moved in alignment with a principle.

If you ARE compassion, then you always have value, despite what may surround you. If you ARE love, then you always have a place in the world and a pathway to follow. If you ARE peace, then you are always needed in a world that lacks you. If you ARE wisdom, then you will always seek to ennoble and empower others.

When you define yourself as something greater than yourself, and act according to that value or principle, you partner with the eternal, and you are able to create an impact in the world far beyond that which you can manifest on your own.

When it is no longer about you, you can move mountains, and perform miracles. When it is no longer about you, you can no longer be wounded.

You are so much more than that which you define yourself by.

You are.

You.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: When love is not enough

When love is not enough.

In my work as a coach, I have been blessed to help people when they are at their most vulnerable. Unfortunately, there are often times when I have to help them transition through difficult obstacles, at a time when they least want to hear what I have to say.

And it’s a balancing act, trying to deliver the words they need to hear, in the way that they need to hear them. I have to walk a very fine line sometimes, between compassion and contention.

The most important thing when helping another is that it ‘must never be about you’. 

A recent example of this came to light when an older sibling was trying to help a younger sibling, by giving advice that was considered to be ‘things that they need to hear’.

And in reality, the older sibling was correct in the concepts he was trying to communicate.

But the younger sibling could not listen to the older brother, because it was all about the older brother’s desire to be right, to no longer be embarrassed by his younger sibling, and by the frustration that he felt when trying to communicate with his younger sibling.

In short, it was all about the older brother’s feelings, and his message to his younger sibling fell on ears that only heard derision, anger and scorn.

When trying to help someone, the most important lesson is to accept and respect their human divinity. When a person realizes that we acknowledge their right to be who they want to be, and that our own ego no longer plays any role in the equation, that person can then choose to listen to you if they so wish. 

When it becomes about us as a healer, or teacher, then the message we try to communicate will be lost in translation, strangled by our own ego and drowned out by our desires.

The greeting ‘Namaste’ can help us understand this balance. Namaste is often translated into a concept that essentially proclaims “the divine in me bows to the divine in you”. 

Accepting the other person’s divinity, or worth and right of being, opens a channel of mutual respect, communication and cooperation. In that spirit, changes can occur and miracles can manifest.

When you truly accept and respect another person’s being, you stop trying to subvert their soul and instead move into serving that which is sacred.

Namaste my friends. May you have an amazing day today, and serve from selflessness.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Finding stillnes

[Morning Reflection]

Finding stillness.

As someone who grew up in a coastal town, the ocean forever holds a place in my heart. There is nothing more therapeutic for me than to sit on the shore, and listen to the majesty before me. 

The ocean is endless, elegant, exquisite and eternal.

One the shore, I find a new perspective for my problems. The ocean teaches me that they are temporary against the backdrop of millennia. 

My problems, while appearing large in my eyes, are nothing compared to the vastness of the ocean. My time here, while all that I have, is but a moment against the relentless and unending patience of the ocean.

Even though it moves constantly, the ocean helps me find stillness, perspective, power and peace.

Yet living far from the ocean now, I have to find within me the tranquility that it brings. No longer can I visit every day to walk upon its shore and bathe in its wonder.

I have to nurture stillness in my soul. 

I have found that in order to achieve stillness, I first have to find what creates movements in my soul. Oscillations are a result of unbalanced or uncompleted events within my life, and are often a sign of unfulfilled needs.

In order to achieve stillness in my everyday life, I must live in balance with my own morality and find a peace in the face of my own mortality. 

Stillness requires humility, self honesty, hard work and the ability to balance. 

In humility, I think less about myself and focus on the needs of others, freeing myself from the misunderstandings of my own life, and allowing me to learn truth as I help others find their peace. I must accept others for who they are, which requires a deep humility that I struggle with every day.

In self honesty, I am able to see my flaws and realize the inconsistencies of my soul. 

In hard work, I am able to correct those inconsistencies and find a better path forwards in my journey through this time, and in balance, I find a way to exist in the universe despite the competing demands on my soul.

If I am to find stillness, I must search within so that I may serve without.

Stillness is silence, balance, peace.

Stillness is worth the struggle.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The stories we believe in ourselves

The stories we believe in ourselves.

As little children we love stories. We love being read to. We love how in a story, the world makes sense.

As we grow, we tell ourselves stories to explain why the world works in the way it does. In light of the chaos present in the universe, telling stories allows us to create structure, logic and understanding.

But sometimes we tell ourselves stories to explain things we can’t understand. As the child of an emotionally absent father, I created the story that I was such a bad child my father didn’t want to be around me. It was either that, or try to understand a situation for which I had no reference, logic or rationale.

A good friend of mine adopted the story that she was overweight because her mother was pressuring her to lose weight, when in truth it was about the mother’s issues, and nothing to do with my friend. She carried this for many years, and in some aspects still carries it. An untruth, made into a truth, by a desire to be accepted, loved and cherished.

When we accept these stories as a child, they become the filters through which we understand the world. The child who believes they must be perfect will never know the peace of ‘good enough’. The teenager who believes they are different will never know the feeling of being a part of something larger. The adult who believes they are destined to fail will never know the satisfaction of risking and winning, because they will never try.

Unless they un-learn these stories, challenge the narrative, break out of the imaginary chains and soar into the new truth.

That they are enough. They are powerful. They can succeed.

Make sure that every child within your influence hears the right stories. That life is tough for all, but hard work and persistence makes a difference. That we all fail at some time, but we try again. That heartbreak is rarely permanent, and never a reason to stop loving.

And most importantly, that they are loved, cherished, valued and cared for.

They are. You are. We are.

Change their story, change their life.

Begin.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings