Dichotomy
It’s difficult, being human. Nothing quite balances as neatly as we would like. We trust our senses, yet we can be fooled with the simplest of tricks. We try to understand an infinite and eternal universe with a finite and temporal mind.
We live our lives as if there will be tomorrows, yet we also have to survive each day. We try to make sense of the impossible, and balance what peace we find against a background of entropy that threatens to destroy all that we hold in a moment.
Every day we try find balance by grasping onto the things which we think we understand.
Yet deep in our minds, we find that we don’t truly understand ourselves. We try to make sense of the things that we feel, and the thoughts that rise up from deep within the recess of our souls. We attempt to follow principles, living by the truths that we feel are in alignment with the universe within and without, yet we trample our own ideology for reasons of the moment that are hard to understand.
And we fall into the darkness of our self condemnation.
And then we ask ourselves the questions that really define us as people. Am I a good person; do I have value in this world; is there something I can offer that will serve others and help them find their own light in the darkness; how do I balance my happiness against those around me; whom should I serve, how should I live; why are we here?
For every answer there is a confliction, for every conflict another question.
The further I walk on my path, I find that the only way to be certain of anything means that I have to accept uncertainty. Rather than seeking for light or dark, I have to accept them as two sides of the same coin, somehow believing that I have the ability to change how the coin will land when it is tossed in the air. The firmer I try to grasp certainties, the more they slip through my fingers into the abyss of possibility.
Wherein all seems to fall.
And so I struggle to find an alignment of my soul in the never ending confusion of the black and white that are neither. I seek to bring forth the best of myself, and accept it, while understanding the darkness within me, and seeking to hold it.
For we none of us are singular, perfect and without a compassionate conflict in the darkness of our soul.
Yet there are those who have found their peace and their singularity despite their ever present flawed humanity.
I am not one of them, yet I seek to be.
So every morning is a struggle to find my purpose and place within the cacophony of doubts and disillusionment that drips daily onto my soul. Moving onwards, I walk as both light and dark, solid and shadow, saint and sinner, wise man and fool.
Trying to discover the truths of who I am.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings