Who do you see when you stand face to face with yourself in the mirror? I ask this question because the answer to it is more important than almost any other answer that you give me.
Some of you will hesitate to answer, and some of you will share forth an answer without an ounce of hesitation. Yet in the midst of all of the different things that would be said, there’s pretty much always going to be one constant.
You’re going to lie to me.
I don’t mean to question your integrity, far from it. It’s just that the reflection you see of yourself in the mirror is usually made of what you actually see, and then what you feel about what you see.
Chances are that as your brain decodes the information in the light bouncing off the reflective surface, you’re going to incorporate a meaning to everything in front of you.
It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words, and I will say that a reflection can contain a thousand lies.
None of us are immune, far from it. As I look at my face in the mirror, I see way more white in my beard than I’m comfortable with, and the other day I finally found my first gray hair. I see the scars of an accident that required world class plastic surgery to put me back together, and I see tiredness in my eyes as the wrinkles on the side are starting to show.
All of that is essentially true, and yet, if I stop there, I fall prey to the lies I would warn you of.
For in that reflection also is a son and a brother, a husband and a father. There’s a brother in law, a son in law, an uncle and a friend. There’s also a writer, a Doctor, a healer and a coach. There’s a man who has been so scared that he cried, and a man who crossed a world for the woman he loves. There may even be, one day, a pilot and a man who is happy with who he managed to become.
In every reflection of me, there’s some many truths that I somehow fail to see.
My guess is that the same applies to you. Depending on how much work you’ve put into your soul, you may have so many things about your reflection that you don’t like, and possibly some that you do.
There may be things you see that are not so, and things that are there that you don’t want to see. We all struggle to see the truth of ourselves sometimes, and the more we tell ourselves, the less is likely to be true.
Because the person in the mirror is just who you need to be – simply you.
And I get there might be things you want to change, I think we all have those. Yet the sum total of your reflection from the mirror is simply an image of the miraculous person you are, and always have been. Your physical appearance is not important, and your age, race and color are irrelevant. In the end, all that matters is one simple metric as you look deep into the glass that claims to reveal all…
The truth of your reflection is a reflection of how well you know yourself.
Because chances are, if you’ve spent time doing the work, you’ll be less worried about what you see, and far more concerned with who is there. You’ll know that appearances are fleeting, and yet the beauty of a kind compassionate soul is eternal, and beyond compare. If you’ve gone deep enough, and really seen into that totality of who you are, the mirror is nothing more than a gateway.
And that the person on the other side of the mirror is your friend.
One who you laugh with and cry with; care for and care about. When the person on the other side of the mirror is someone you know well, you’ll forgive them their faults, and celebrate their wins. You’ll understand their strengths, and you’ll know that travails of their soul.
And the light that shines from their eyes will be the beacon that lights your soul.
May you find peace in your reflection, and joy on the other side of the mirror.
And may it be this way.
Always.
— Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings