Morning Reflection: The wave of the turning earth

The wave of the turning earth.

One night, many years ago, my perspective of the world was changed immeasurably. I was flying home to England from Los Angeles, on a flight that had experienced some pretty nasty turbulence. 

After it had calmed down, and we were back cutting through the silent night sky at around 39,000, the pilot came over the intercom with a pronouncement that would alter me forever.

“If you can, look out of the right side of the plane. Trust me, it’s worth the view”. I opened the shade, and what I saw took my breath away.

The very faint tinges of a sunrise, coming over the curvature of the earth. I could actually see, with my own eyes, how this wonderful, marvelous and unimaginable world that we live on was really just a ball in space. 

Big, blue, beautiful and just hanging out in the orbit of our sun, that is making its own journey through this thing we call space, in a galaxy we barely understand, in a universe we have no significant comprehension of.

And there was I, riding in an aircraft in defiance of gravity, in air so thin it would kill me were I to be exposed to it. 

And I felt my place in the universe. Small, smaller, and insignificant. 

Except that I wasn’t.

To the people I had left behind in California, and to the people I would reunite with in England, I was significant. To the lives I would change in the future, to the children who I would be blessed to raise, to the friends who I had not yet met, and the people I had not yet helped, I was still significant.

And as I rode the waves in the air of that turning earth, I found a new level of awareness. The truth that all of us, whoever we are, and wherever we are at in life, are significant. We have value. As small as we are, as damaged and difficult as we can be, there is not a one without some value.

Today, I ask you to find your value. As you travel with me on this journey of intention, inspiration and imagination, I plead with you to find your place on this turning world.

On my bedroom wall are these words that I try to live by, and I invite you to make them yours also, if you feel it appropriate…

“I have come further than anyone ever thought possible, and my journey is far from over.”

May you find the truth of your travels, the joy in your journey, and the enlightenment in your experience.

May we together travel onwards, riding the wave of this turning earth.

And sample eternity.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: We are so much the same, yet we focus so much on our differences

We are so much the same, yet we focus so much on our differences.

Have you ever marveled at humanity? Sure, we are a crazy, messed up, frail and insecure race, and at times we are capable of incredible stupidity and unkindness.

But do you ever stop to admire just how alike we are, and how much good we can do together?

In my studies to become a healer, I have treated the living and examined the dead, and I have learned some powerful truths along the way. As a rule, we all function the same way. We have hearts that beat, blood that moves, lungs that exchange gases and a nervous system that processes our experiences in this ‘reality’ that we inhabit.

We all have needs. We all want, we all have our values, and often we fall short of the version of ourselves that we would like to be. We cry, we laugh, we care, and we fear.

We are so much alike. We may have different skin colors, different beliefs about how the universe and life came to be, and different ideas about how we need to conduct ourselves as a society.

But our differences as so small compared to our similarities.

Today, I would like you to see yourself reflected in someone who you might not think is that much like you. Maybe someone who disagrees with you, or worships a different way, or even who has hurt you in the past.

Focus your attention on the things you do that are the same, the same needs that you have, the same fears and hopes. If you spend long enough looking, you’ll come to see that you are much more alike than you are different.

I hope that as you realize our common humanity, you will feel a greater connection and sense of belonging in the world. The more we feel isolated, the larger our troubles seem, but the more we sense that we are in fact the same, the more valuable you will see yourself and others.

Once you realize how valuable we all are, how precious our connection to this life and each other is, you will find more peace, joy, harmony and love in your world.

Today, I invite you to connect.

And grow.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: You are SO much more

You are SO much more.

I probably don’t know you in person. Chances are we’ve never met. Yet I know something about you. Something that sits in the dark corners of your mind, that calls to you in the quiet times, and that won’t let you rest.

I’d be willing to be that you are an amazing person. 

Why do I say this? Because I’ve seen so many people who can suddenly manifest so much more in their lives, with just a few changes, just a tweak here or there.

And if you’re reading this, I think you know what I’m saying is true.

I truly believe, deep in my soul, that we all come with gifts that we can use to enrich both our own lives and the lives around us. I’ve been blessed to associate with people who have found their gift, and are using it to give back to the world in incredible ways. 

A friend of mine built a fitness company from his garage into a multimillion dollar business, and now uses his own plane to fly people across the country for life saving medical care. 

Another friend who has turned her passion for caring about others into what can only be described as a super-power, and has improved the quality of so many lives by her example and her work.

I don’t know exactly what your gift is, but I’ll tell you that you have it. Maybe it’s buried deep in your soul, and hasn’t been unearthed yet. Maybe it’s there under the surface, and you haven’t managed to bring it out yet, but it’s there. It’s waiting for you to step into your power and become who you were born to be.

The real secret of your power is that when you give it to the world, you’ll lose your own worries in a desire to serve others. Maybe you don’t feel that way right now, but I know it’s there. 

For me, writing these reflections has become my passion, my service, and a way for me to make a difference in the world.

Muhammad Ali said that “our service to others is the rent we pay for our room here on earth”. I believe that with all my heart.

Your super power doesn’t have to change the world. Most of ours don’t, and that’s ok, because most of the good in the world is done one soul at a time. Personally, intimately, caringly and kindly.

If you haven’t found it yet, please keep searching and serving. I promise you, there will come a day when you find that you have lost track of time, of worries and of all your concerns in the pursuit of serving others with your own inimitable power.

Then you’ll understand what I already know about you.

You’re amazing. You always have been, and always will be.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: All behavior is rooted in reason, even the ones we don’t like

All behavior is rooted in reason, even the ones we don’t like.

I think most of us have behaviors that we would rather not do. I know I do. Maybe it’s negative self talk, maybe it’s procrastination of a task until the very last minute, or maybe it’s eating more than we need. 

Somehow, somewhere, there is probably a behavior that you do or see that generates a feeling of frustration and self judgment. 

Right now, I am aware of 3 very different young adults, who are all acting in ways that are frustrating their parents. In each situation, there is a parent struggling to understand the actions of their child that seems selfish, or defiant, or reckless. 

Viewed through the eyes of a parent, these actions are illogical, destructive and thoughtless.

If you were to ask the young adults why they are acting in this way, it is unlikely that they would be able to eloquently, concisely and specifically define the reasons behind their decisions.

But every action has a reason, and a result, and we behave in a certain way because we desire the result now, even if the long term result is not in our best interests.

For each of these young adults, their actions meet a need that they have. While that need may seem childish to the adult, to the child it feels good.

As adults we often behave the same way.

The next time you either perform or see a behavior that frustrates you, try to understand two things: why does it frustrate you, and why are they doing it. 

Try to suspend judgment, because judgment will cloud your ability to see the truth. Instead, accept that there is a reason that makes sense, and try to discover it, even when you don’t like it.

The more aware you become, the greater you can be of service to the world.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The gift of honesty

The gift of honesty.

I recently gave a presentation to three close friends that connects to a new coaching program I’m developing. 

After spending hours refining the presentation, and standing in front of them for 45 minutes as I bared my soul, I was given gentle ideas from two of the three. They said mostly positive things, with a couple of minor suggestions.

And then I asked the third friend for his opinion. 

What followed was an intricate, detailed and thorough destruction of a presentation that I was heavily emotionally invested in. He wasn’t nasty, he wasn’t being a jerk, and he wasn’t just shooting from the hip. 

He took the presentation apart like a surgeon, and I felt like I was a child being called out by a teacher. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t pleasant, and it certainly wasn’t easy.

And it was EXACTLY what I expected him to do. That was why I asked him to come, and he didn’t disappoint.

He’s a good friend because I never have to question his intentions, and I never have to wonder if he is holding something back. He’s a brilliant guy, and one of the most morally grounded people I’ve ever met. 

The suggestions he gave will help me to serve many more people, because the presentation will be so much more effective. 

In a world where people shade their opinions, hide behind omissions and put self above truth, this guy doesn’t. He’s never cruel, but he tells it like he sees it, and he sees things very clearly.

I love that he will call time out on my pity party, and tell me if he thinks I am acting less than my highest self. He’s always willing to have his mind changed, but it doesn’t change easy. 

He invites me to be the best I can be, while allowing me to be human.

The greatest gift he gives me is his honesty. It’s combined with kindness, and a humility that doesn’t come around too often.

The truth is that being around him can be hard sometimes, because I get wrapped up in my own ego, and defensive when I should be open. But he has helped me grow beyond some of my weaknesses, and into a better person.

I hope you have a friend like him in your life, because his gift of honesty has enlightened my soul.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Living in now

Living in now.

Sitting at my desk, writing this, I have everything I need. 

I have my laptop, which enables me to write, edit, print and publish. I have the internet, which allows me to draw from and share with the world. 

I have clothes to wear, a roof over my head and food to eat. My wife and children are nearby, and are well. There are no immediate threats to my safety.

And yet I feel… Uneasy.

But when I try to define my unease, I am lost in a sea of all possible futures. Alone, adrift, bereft, forlorn. As waves of emotion cascade over me I am baptized unto the fear of the unknowable; lost in oceans of imperceptible tomorrows, because I have forsaken my focus on the now, in the pursuit of that which can never be found.

A certain tomorrow eludes me, as it does all mankind.

Yet in my desire to find certainty, my most painful need, I lose all sense of significance of myself in the now. I attempt to see the universe at its next turning, and lose any appreciation that I could feel for that which currently is.

How many days of peace have I sacrificed to my fear of what comes next, and how long will I continue to allow the shadow inside to drive me away from now, and fear what may never come? 

It’s true that there are imperfections in the now, but there is much more that is right than there is that is wrong, if only I can change my focus, quiet my fears, and become present in the now that is eternally new forever, and yet always within my reach.

After 47 revolutions around this star, on this planet we call our home, I have yet to learn one of the greatest and simplest truths. That the only time that really matters is now. Only now can I act, only now can I perceive, only now can I feel.

In the now I can reminisce, and glean wisdom from the past. Only now can I plan, and sow the seeds of a gentler now in the ever changing tomorrow. It is only the now which my soul experiences, stretched out into the canvas of my days, and the eternity of my life.

When I give up my sense of now, I lose my joy and wonder in the eternal experience which I am creating, and give myself over to the fears which will never bring me peace. 

Today, this moment I know three things.

I am.

I am here.

It is now

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: In the midst of the wind and the waves

In the midst of the wind and the waves.

Life is the odyssey of storms and calms. For every moment of peace, there seems to be another of chaos. Every time of joy has it’s ending, and so do the times of sadness. 

We often feel like we are buffeted by the winds and the waves, until there is no possibility of a better tomorrow, or of a greater light in the world.

Light and dark are so interwoven into our vocabulary that we have adopted them to describe so many facets of our existence, and the presence of light and dark affects both our body and our mind.

But it’s hard, in the middle of the sadness, to see the light in the far flung distance, and to believe that there is hope in the midst of darkness. Hope itself can be a beacon, exploding possibility into the dark void of pessimism and doubt.

Darkness is simply the absence of light, with light itself being the expression of the energy and the life of the universe. All it takes for darkness to occur is for us to stop creating the light for ourselves, and just as importantly for others.

We ourselves can be a beacon, a lighthouse for those who are lost in the absence of the light.

The lighthouse is as much about reassurance as it is a warning. The reassurance that someone is there, that in this world there are those who care about others, who desire to bring light to those lost in the darkness of their own storms.

Light is important, because it enables us to see our visions, and follow them. Vision requires light.

Today, I invite you to be that light for someone, or to reach out for that light if you are struggling in your own darkness. 

Reach out to those who feel alone, and help them realize they are not. Reach out to those who fear, and comfort them in their time of need. Reach out most of all to those who have lost the love of themselves, and show them why they are worth loving.

Use your light to bring others out of the darkness, and you will find your own light brighter and more radiant.

Until you glow, and are happy.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: 6 Months of Reflections

6 Months of Reflections

When I started these reflections, 6 months ago today, I had no idea how much this would come to mean to me. It was a chance to write, to express ideas, and maybe bring some light to other people.

It’s harder than I thought it would be, finding the right words to use. Sometimes the words just pour forth from my fingers on the keyboard, like I am remembering something that was whispered to me a few seconds ago.

Sometimes the reflection is a fight, with multiple starts and erases, changes in tone and context, and it can take hours to finally feel the thread of the piece. These are usually the ones that seem to be destined for a reader specifically, because the comments will reflect how much the words meant to someone at this time in their life.

Most of the time, the picture accompanying the written words comes after, but occasionally I will see a picture, and the emotions provoked seem to have their own song, and the lyrics come to me with a specific tone and feeling.

I try not to get caught up in the number of likes and comments, but I’ll be honest and say that I’m human, and sometimes it is gratifying to see positive comments. I’ve given up trying to understand what resonates with people. 

Sometimes I have written a piece that I personally loved, only to have very few responses. Occasionally I have written something that I felt was clumsy and awkward, and people respond in both likes and comments way more than I expected.

It’s kind of humbling that way, and my sweet wife finds joy in reminding me that my role is the writer, the thinker, the communicator. It’s not about me.

Honestly, when I began this journey, it was about me. I wrote things that I found pleasing. It changed when I started to hear from people that this work was affecting them and making a difference in their lives.

Since then, when I write, I try to imagine you and I sitting quietly together. I try to feel in my heart what I would like to share with you that will serve you in the greatest way I know, which is to share what small wisdoms I have gathered over the last 30 years of trying to understand and heal myself.

I don’t know where this work is going. I honestly don’t. I can see several pathways going forwards, and we’ll just have to see which ones we take together. Several people have suggest a published work, some have asked for a workbook based on the reflections. I still feel that it’s too early, but maybe in the future something will happen.

For now, today, I just want to send you my heartfelt thanks for being a part of this journey with me. The thoughts and comments you’ve shared mean so much to me. I am grateful for your presence in my life, and for your support of whatever this is.

I’m going to keep writing, because I feel drawn to it. I hope you’ll keep reading and commenting.

Thank you. You mean the world to me.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Parenting my inner child

Parenting my inner child.

Sometimes in our emotional development our progression stops, because some kind of support or learning wasn’t present when it was needed. In response, we stop maturing in that aspect, and are left with an ‘inner child’ to deal with for the rest of our lives.

I had two specific events occur this last week that brought out the worst of my inner child. Both of them were situations that I interpreted as a ‘threat’ to my needs, specifically my need for certainty, and my need for significance.

I’d love to tell you that I handled both situations well, like a mature adult, and in a way, I did. I behaved somewhat rationally and properly.

But that’s not how I felt. 

Inside, I was more like a 5 year old. I felt angry, frustrated, scared and unkind. If I had no self control I would have probably reacted like a child throwing an epic tantrum There’s a reason why I have not lost my temper since I was 13 years old; because my inner child is not someone I’m proud of.

I know where he came from. Out the chaos that was my childhood; experiences and emotions that should not have happened and things that were missing that can never be made up.

The really hard part is that the adult me, the educated me, the me that is trying to live a better way knows this is wrong. 

Even when I’m throwing my own ridiculous, pointless pity party in my mind, there is a part of me that is desperately trying to reason with my inner child, to help him overcome his pain, move past his fears and grow into the person I aspire to be.

But he’s resistant; so resistant. 

I’ve come at least far enough in my journey that I don’t allow him access to my behavior, so nobody but me has to deal with him. 

Sometimes that means withdrawing, pulling away and decreasing my interactions within a particular area of my life until I have a reasonable certainty of behaving in a way that I believe is appropriate. 

Do you struggle with an inner child? 

If you do, you have my sympathies and my hopes that you have begun your own healing journey. It takes time, and it takes patience, but I promise you it can be done.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Awareness will only get you so far

Awareness will only get you so far.

There’s something magical about watching someone make an awareness jump. It’s an almost spiritual experience, to watch the realization take hold and see the light in their eyes brighten as they incorporate a new truth into their soul. 

I get to see this as I help people through their struggles, and it’s a humbling thrill to be present in that moment.

The next moment is usually a little less glamorous, because then they realize that the new knowledge is just the first step… and what follows looks a lot like hard work, just after they’ve struggled to break through to where they are now :)

And then the process begins, because a new awareness often requires some kind of action. 

Maybe it’s spending time in meditation to view past behaviors and relationships; maybe it’s taking new action that is scary or intimidating; or maybe it’s having the courage to say “I’m sorry”.

The fun part is helping people realize that when you have incorporated a new truth, the action that you take in response to that awareness brings with it a new form of joy and peace.

When we act from our newly discovered truth, we are becoming more authentic. As you move into alignment with your authenticity, your soul begins to resonate at a higher level. 

You will feel a deeper peace, a reduction of stress and a more child-like enthusiasm. The ‘work’ actually becomes the pursuit of joy, as you find more meaning to life, and a more powerful sense of who you really are.

Although the work after a new awareness can seem daunting; the peace you’ll feel through taking action in your new reality will more than make up for it.

Questions are the gateway to awareness, and awareness leads to a journey of peace.

If you are struggling to reach your next awareness, feel free to reach out, and I’ll see if I can help.

I wonder what you'll discover.

-- Dr.  Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: I chose for today, I will choose again tomorrow

I chose for today, I will choose again tomorrow.

The young man scowled ahead, pain and anger warring for control of his face. “I’ll have children, I’ll love them and I’ll never let him see them" he uttered in quiet and measured tones. 

“Never” I asked, hoping to see a glimpse of possibility in the midst of his suffering. He turned away, frustration and fury in the eyes that had darkened, seemingly never to grow bright again. “Never” he said. “Never”.

This young man, hurt beyond measure by the actions of his now absent father, found the only way he knew to return pain for his suffering, vengeance for his abandonment, and to isolate him who had caused his feelings of desolation.

And he intended to choose the same path forever.

Whenever we are in pain, we lose our focus of time as a pathway, and instead it becomes a place. In anger, or sadness, or rage, or agony, we make decisions that we accept as timeless edicts, guiding our emotions for years to come, even when the pain that caused the choice to be ground into eternity has lost its fever, growing weaker under the healing waves of years gone by.

But still our decision remains locked into our soul, unwilling to release its grip on tomorrow for fear that we may feel like we have forgiven where no forgiveness was ever supposed to be.

And we continue, locked in feelings that we no longer need, but cannot leave quietly at the side of the road.

If you are the prisoner of such decisions, I invite you to consider the possibility that one day you may feel different. 

Not now, not today, but sometime.

You can free yourself with one simple decision.

“I choose today, but I may choose differently tomorrow”. To your subconscious mind, this simple shift allows you to experience each day anew, with the possibility of change, but only if you desire it.

In effect, this one decision releases the grip of the past while not burdening you with the choices of the future. And you become alive for today.

As I consider those for whom I still hold anger, I try to remind myself that every day I have the freedom to consider my feelings for them. 

Perhaps one day, situations changed by a different perspective will yield a kinder feeling. Why carry the burden of the emotions of a tomorrow that may be changed beyond recognition?

Carry today alone. The emotions of the past may not serve you, and the pressure of the future can crush you if you let it.

Choose today. Then choose again tomorrow.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Nurturing your sense of self

Nurturing your sense of self.

Who are you? You are not your name, because that can be changed. You are not your nationality, because technology is breaking down the idea of nations into a global community of ideas. You are not what you do, because that may not be what you chose, or what you want to do anymore.

You are not necessarily your religion or creed, because that can be changed or professed by those who only go through the motions. You are not the car that you drive, because that could be owned, or a gift, or purchased with borrowed money that might never be repaid. You are not the residence you live in, the clothes you wear or the phone you carry.

The truth of you is who you are inside your head, when the lights go down, when the people are gone, and the voice of your reality whispers to you in the darkness.

This is who I am.

But often that’s a lie too. Because so many people are not even their truest selves in the quiet places of their own minds because they believe the ideas of others, rather than reasoning out their own opinions, and changing their behaviors through envisioning, meditation, practicing and becoming.

Your sense of yourself is the greatest prize you carry. Properly nurtured, strengthened and sharpened into a powerful force, your self-sense or your eye-dentity is the manifestation of what you see as the sum of your strengths and gifts. 

Coupled with a determined will, that has grown through trial and temptation, your self-sense charts your course through your earthly days.

If your self-sense is weakened through the falsehoods of others, only you can cast them out. If you have allowed your opinions to be shaped by the dogma of others, rather than your own studied and reasoned views, you can begin now to become yourself anew, through study, meditation and determined judgment.

If you truly desire to become the person you can be, you must strengthen your self-sense so that it can withstand the storms of the world, the doubts of the fearful and the wickedness of those who would bring you down.

If you don’t know who you are, that’s the perfect place to start. Decide to start understanding what you like, what you believe and who you are. 

Learn yourself, change yourself as you find necessary (not to the judgment of others) and be willing to withstand trial and hardship to become the you who can serve the world.

Your sense of who you really are is the most precious gift you can ever give yourself. It will bring you greater peace, happiness and fulfillment if you take care of it.

I believe you are amazing. I really do. You just need to do the work to believe it as well.

-- Dr.  Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Why do we search so hard for meaning?

Why do we search so hard for meaning?

We all have times in our lives where we come face to face with the reality that we exist in a painful universe. From random failures, unintended consequences, neglect or the willful practice of cruel deeds, all of us are at one time or another the recipient of difficult, brutal, inhumane and sometimes just evil circumstances.

And in an attempt to make some sense of life, we try to rationalize a meaning out of it.

I struggled for many years through just such a process, attempting to make sense of things I experienced in my childhood, my teenage life, my first son requiring open heart surgery at 6 days old, the accident that scarred me for life, an employer who was admittedly incredibly selfish and so on.

I fought long and hard to come up with answers as to why these things happened. Until the day I realized that any answer I came up with was just an answer I made up.

And it didn’t matter anyway.

I think we look for a meaning so that we can feel significant. If something happened for a reason, then it wasn’t just a horrible event that we lived through, there was a purpose behind it. If it was just randomness , bad luck or evil, we feel alone, ignored and insignificant. 

If there was a purpose and a meaning, then it wasn’t just random, and we were ‘chosen’ to experience it, which elevates us to being significant, rather than just another random, faceless, insignificant victim.

So we try to find meaning in the most meaningless of things, to salvage our sense of significance, and it’s never going to be enough, because it’s a made up truth.

When I discovered that the answers were never going to make sense, I also realized that the only sense that will come from these experiences will be created in the life that I live in the future.

So I draw on the experiences of my childhood, and live the opposite, so my wife has never heard my voice raised at her, and I have a wonderful relationship with my children. I remember the difficulty of never fitting in as a teenager, and now offer guidance and support to those who do not feel like they belong. 

I draw from the pain of feeling helpless as I watched my son taken away for surgery, and I channel that emotion into compassion for those who are suffering. I remember feeling insignificant as an employee, and vow to be a kinder and better employer than I have experienced.

We cannot change the past, and making up a meaning for the things which happened is playing make believe. I do not believe that has the power to help anyone in the long term.

Instead, we can draw our sense of significance from the service we give in the future, precisely because of our past. In doing so, we can fulfill our needs for connection, certainty, significance, growth and contribution. I know of no other way than this.

I cannot help you change your past, but I hope in some way to help you become your future.

-- Dr.  Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: “There’s no point in being a grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.”

“There’s no point in being a grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.” :)

I love this quote. It’s from a show that was a huge inspiration to me growing up, and continues to help me learn and progress as an adult. Fiction is amazing that way.

It’s hard to find time to be child-like sometimes, as the responsibilities of all my roles weigh on me, and I see this universe through the eyes of an adult; weary, wary, watching and waiting for the next requirement that I have to fulfill.

How I wish I could find a way to return to the days of wonder, excitement and possibility of being a child, where my greatest responsibility was making sure I was wearing pants, and where a simple ice-cream could fill me full of joy and happiness.

I think many of us struggle as adults, because we are so weighed down with all that we feel like we have to accomplish, become, do. Other than making sure that our basic needs are met, the rest are self-assumed responsibilities that we ‘choose’ to take upon ourselves for fear that we are missing something.

Imagine if there was no one around to see you. Where would you live, what would you drive, what would you wear, how would you live? Who would you help, regardless of why they needed help, and who would you share with?

And then ask yourself why you can’t do this now.

I think we were more carefree as children because we hadn’t bought into the idea that we had to keep up. If you were lucky, you felt like your childhood was ‘enough’. 

I have found that those who never felt ‘enough’ in their childhood; because of peer pressure, expectations or the horrors of parental abuse, have a very hard time finding the balance of ‘enough’ as an adult.

Oh that we could take an afternoon, and see the world through our child-like eyes.

Imagine how kind our world could be if we could connect with the child inside.

And see the world in wonder.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Knowledge is the ultimate barrier to learning

Knowledge is the ultimate barrier to learning.

One of the best advertisements I’ve ever seen was a billboard over a gas station. It proclaimed an eternal truth that has stayed with me since that day.

“He who knows everything eventually turns 21”.

I spent time yesterday with a very dear friend who has been placed in the difficult situation of trying to share a truth with some people who are so sure of what they know, that they are immune to wisdom. 

Certain in their position, and with what I believe are truly good intentions, they are doubling down on a lifetime of mistakes as they try to deal with a situation primarily of their own making.

It’s hard watching this from afar, and seeing the damage being caused, and having very little ability to change the situation. 

And it has caused me to reflect back on all the times in my life when I clung to knowledge of which I was certain, and in retrospect was completely, utterly and incontrovertibly…

Wrong.

As I have progressed in my journey, I have come to the realization that I ‘know’ very little. In the past I would observe, and very quickly move to judgment, and what I thought was knowledge. 

Life has taught me some very expensive and painful lessons regarding such ‘knowledge’, and I have paid the price of my arrogance and desire for certainty.

No longer am I so dependent upon being ‘right’ that I can never be wrong. I lived like that out of fear of not being enough, and it prevented me from growing for so long.

I have also tried to refrain from sharing wisdom with people who already ‘know’ so much. It just annoys them, and I lose the chance to be of service in the future. I wait until questions are asked, and then try to help as I can. 

The less I ‘know’, the more open I am to learning new knowledge. This willingness to let go of certainty has often taken me to a place of insight, where I can learn new ‘truths’ to experiment with in the world.

The more I ‘know’ the less I learn. The less I ‘know’, the more the universe opens before me.

And I learn.

More.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: All that you carry

All that you carry.

“Why am I prickly?” she asked. The very question showed a growth that was encouraging. I replied “Because you carry in all your interactions a fear of being hurt”. She stopped, thought about this for a moment, and then thanked me.

It was a simple interaction with a dear friend, but it made me wonder about all the things I carry into my relationships.

And how many of them I could just let go.

All of us carry a burden in life. Our load is different from someone else’s, and at some times it is easy to carry. On other days, that burden threatens to bring us to our knees.

Yet as I examine all the things in my life that weigh me down, I come to the startling revelation that many of my burdens could be left at the side of the road, if only I had the courage to do so.

The constant battle in my soul of comparison to those around me could be replaced with gratitude for the people in my life, if only I had the courage to be enough rather than perfect.

The never ending fight to overcome my fear of failure could be replaced with the joy of discovery if I only had the courage to accept the occasional mistake as a price for mastery.

The eternal need to ‘become’ could be replaced by the peace of ‘being’ if only I had the courage to accept myself as I am.

The incessant desire to not be vulnerable could be replaced by much deeper relationships, if I only had to courage to accept the possibility of hurt as the price for friendship.

I feel that so many of us have heavy burdens that we could lay down at the side of the road. We could then walk onward, with a lighter load, and a greater joy in our heart.

What are the burdens that you could let go of? What metaphorical rocks in your backpack could you discard on your journey towards happiness.

Today, I beg with you to leave them, and progress on. Our world needs you to be authentically you, so that you might have a greater potential to serve.

Lay down your unnecessary burdens, and find yourself lighter.

Lay them down, and become more, and believe.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Your opinion is the only one that matters

Your opinion is the only one that matters.

Have you ever had someone try to praise you, or say nice things about you, and you immediately made some remark that either downplayed what they said, or said something that was negative about yourself? It’s like a reflex, something so ingrained into you that someone else’s good opinion is irrelevant.

The truth is, until you feel about yourself they way they talk about you, you’re always going to feel the urge to refute someone’s good opinion of you.

Because your opinion of you is ultimately the only one that matters. 

I’ve struggled for so long trying to find some semblance of self esteem, a kinder way of looking at myself, and a better balance to the constant question that I ask…

Am I a good man?

And over the last couple of years I’ve come to realize a truth that has allowed me to move forward. That is that if I want to have a better opinion of myself, I have to do things that I can feel good about.

Losing 140lbs in 18 months made me realize that I am not as weak as I thought I was. Skydiving, even though I was absolutely terrified, made me realize that I am braver than I thought I was. Writing these reflections, and being willing to have people read and comment on them helped me to realize that the last 30 years of trying to become a better person have yielded some improvement, and that I am slowly becoming a better person.

In truth, if you want to feel better about yourself, you have to do something that you can feel good about. Not something small, or easy, but something hard, something terrifying, something that requires every ounce of your courage, your hope and your dreams.

Putting your dreams out there, and knowing that you will still be you even if they are crushed beyond repair is the bravest action I can imagine. I am still struggling to get better at that.

When you do something that impresses yourself, you begin a journey along a pathway where the opinions of others become less and less important, and your own self knowledge and acceptance becomes your foundation and your rock.

If you want peace in your soul, you have to achieve it through struggle, through hardship and through a determined desire to become the person you always dream of being.

The only way I know to feel better about yourself is to give yourself reasons to like yourself.

Today I invite you to challenge yourself, and do something that will allow you to look at yourself differently.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: The enemy I see every day

The enemy I see every day.

I’ve tried fighting him. He’s tough. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid him, but he’s still here. I’ve used every devious, fiendish, cunning, low and dirty trick I know to beat him.

And it’s not enough. He’s still here.

I see him first thing in the morning, and he’s there when I try to sleep at night. He’s relentless in his efforts to bring me down, and he’s always ready with a comment when I make a mistake.

Honestly, he scares me. He constantly tries to overcome me, especially in my weaker moments. Small suggestions, sudden reactions, irrational judgments and duplicitous manipulation are the weapons he brings to bear in his never ending desire to be free.

In times of fear, loneliness and frustration I am tempted to turn to him for solace, and he is always ready to attend me if I lose sight of who he is. The power that he offers is enormous, tempting and all so easy to put on, and so very difficult to take off.

All of us have a dark side, that part of our soul that desires to protect our ego at all costs. The ‘shadow’ in our soul that can be so destructive, divisive and dangerous. 

If you think you don’t have one, you have either reached the pinnacle of human spirituality, or are completely unaware. Honestly, the statistics are not on your side in the question.

Exploring our shadow is a painful journey, as we uncover the pain in our past, and move beyond that which hurts us. The realization that we can be a terrible person if we choose is a hard truth to face.

From my experience, the only way to win against your shadow is to accept that he (or she) is there. Learn why you react the way you do when your shadow is released. Then try to change the vulnerabilities and feelings that trigger the shadow.

This is not an easy or a quick proposition. The journey of awareness takes a long time, and the pain you will uncover along the way is difficult to endure.

But there will come a time when you and your shadow are friends. You will come to embrace your shadow for the scared child that they are.

Only by loving your enemy can you truly overcome them.

Only by loving yourself can you truly find peace.

And then you will awaken in a very different universe of possibilities.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: Not all tears are a sorrow

Not all tears are a sorrow.

Twice in the last week someone has reached out to me, and told me that something I have written has created such an emotional release in them that they cried. 

While I am gratified that this work is helping people, I struggle with the concept of making someone cry, even though I know it has been a good thing.

Crying is a human universal constant. Despite the languages we speak, the creeds we profess, the circumstances of our birth or the burdens of our heart, all of us at some time cry. 

We cry as a result of pain, frustration, sadness and loss. Yet we also cry in joy, as a response to a moment of immense satisfaction, at a time of great relief, and most powerfully, at a realization of a breakthrough.

If you’ve never been with someone at the moment of a profound breakthrough, I can tell you that it is one of the most life affirming, powerful and soul searing experiences you can live through. 

I have been privileged in my work to see people reach new levels of awareness, and suddenly understand a truth that has eluded them for many years.

When you see another human being break out of their restrictions, and move into a greater level of understanding, it’s like seeing a soul born anew. To witness someone manifest a greater, kinder, more compassionate and more powerful awareness is a humbling thrill.

What better time to cry than at a birth, either that of the body, or at a new level of the soul?

Tears are really a sign that we are connecting with our deeper selves. Why we cry at times like this is still a mystery, but I like to think that tears of joy are a means of washing away the misunderstandings and fears that blind us to the possibility of all that we are. 

Crying can be an emotional cleansing, releasing all the hurts and pains that we are carrying, allowing us to rejoin our journey lighter, easier, and with a greater sense of peace.

Some of the happiest people I know are also those who cry easily, and without shame or fear of judgment. Whether by ourselves, or in the company of others, crying can be one of the most intimate, open, honest and vulnerable actions we can undertake.

The next time you feel inclined to cry, I invite you to allow that feeling to wash over you, and allow your tears to cleanse you. Either to release the pain you feel, or to release the joy that can enlighten you, your tears wash the pathway into your future.

When we cry, we allow others a glimpse into our soul.

-- Dr.Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings

Morning Reflection: What didn’t happen can be more powerful than what did

What didn’t happen can be more powerful than what did.

Of all the things that we see in our past, the things that stand out are often the great or terrible things. 

Maybe it was the car for your graduation present, or the way you were left heartbroken after a breakup. We always remember the things that did happen.

But we rarely remember the things that didn’t.

Sometimes the absence of something is obvious; other times it is a silent, invisible void that lingers deep inside, hiding in plain sight from our awareness.

When a plant grows, it requires a few things. Good soil in which to plant roots, water to strengthen and sunlight to nourish. In the absence of anything destructive, a plant will grow to reach its full potential with very little needed from the outside world.

If only the human soul were so easy to flourish. Truly, the soul will grow in the absence of the things it requires, but it will likely grow imperfectly, with many deficiencies that are hard to see in ourselves.

Those who have sustained great abuse can point to the events in their lives and explain their heartache, their deficits and their failings, with a certain ease. 

Those who grew in the absence of necessary emotional components are scarred not by something they can point to, but by the lack of something they probably didn’t even know was supposed to be there.

A child who grows up without being taught how to face their fears will forever run, and not know why. The child who grows without a family that they can trust will often spend their life emotionally withdrawn from those around them, feeling apart, alone and abandoned.

In my work as a healer, I find many people who are hurting because of the absence of something in their life, but they are unaware of how this absence has hurt them. Instead they flounder, seeking answers for their pain in the events that occurred, and never stopping to consider that which was denied them.

The vacuum that makes no sound, and cannot be seen, can still wound and kill. 

I invite you today to look into your soul, at those things which might disturb your peace, and consider whether this may be from the lack of something that was supposed to be there, but never quite appeared in your life.

When we understand the effects of a void in our life, we are one step closer to finding peace in ourselves.

-- Dr. Alan Barnes
@maddrbmusings